How Did We Get Here?
by zaibi12
Summary: Early months of Cobert's marriage. It's my first attempt on a multi chapter. It's sad, dramatic and romantic. Please do review, I have made up my own characters as well for twists and turns. I hope you'll enjoy :) x
1. Chapter 1

Cora Crawley sat on the bench near a lake, miles away from her so-called home, Downton Abbey. She looked at the swans swirling in the lake, happily, freely. She sometimes wished she was a swan. She would've been free and happy and beautiful. She had always been told she was very beautiful and she saw herself as well, dozens of men trying to impress her, she was usually in the spotlight at any ball, here in England or back in America, always the envy of numerous ladies her age, but it was different for her, she didn't feel beautiful, not now anyways.

She had arrived in England two years earlier with her mother, to find an earl or a duke to marry, who would give her a respectable title and give her a position in the British society. She had been so nervous, because despite her beauty, everyone looked at her with judgmental eyes, noticing her every move, gossiping openly about the "American girl with strange accent and strange taste", her mother consoled her saying that all the others were just jealous and advised Cora to not pay attention to them but to just look beautiful and socialize, and so she did. Balls after balls, dances after dances, but that niggle of anxiety kept building until the ball in November 1888. She saw him there; she had read it in story books but never believed in such things until that moment. She laid eyes on him and felt her knees buckle. That beautiful face, those ocean-like eyes, that masculine body, that sexy grin. That is how she met Robert Crawley, Lord Downton.

They danced and talked and laughed and by the end of the night, she knew she'd marry him. Robert, only Robert. In the following months, she realized the situation Downton was in and that Robert was pursuing her for her money also that his mother didn't particularly like her, also that she could marry Dukes instead on a future earl of a small, crumbling estate but her heart was set on him, despite all the drawbacks, she still wanted to marry him and Robert hadn't hid anything, did he? He was honest with her , which she admired. After months and months of discussions and formalities, they were married on 16th February 1890. Cora was asked to sign the papers which stated that her entire inheritance was now tied to the welfare of Downton and that she had no right on the money anymore. She didn't hide her shock and uncomfortable reaction but she signed it anyway, she was getting all she wanted in return, Robert, so money didn't matter. She knew he didn't love her, she knew she wasn't the favorite of anyone in her new home, but she was determined and was sure that she'll make them fall in love with her, all of them. She has always been friendly and kind, she was smart and beautiful, everyone loved her, how can a couple of English people not, right?

Now five months later, she sat facing the lake, thinking how was she so sure? She had been patient all these months. Her mother-in-law was horrible to her, she was unkind and made fun of her American-ness in front of all her friends. Lord Grantham was kind and understanding enough but not enough that she could talk to him about her feelings. And Robert, she sighed thinking, he wasn't even trying to work on their relationship. She knew he didn't love her, he made that clear months ago, but she didn't think he'd never try. He spent very little time with her, there was still an awkward communication between them, they did spent part of their night together, fulfilling their duty. She used to lay back and think of England, as her mother-in-law used to put it. There was nothing sweet about their love making, he used to enter the room, asked how she was feeling, got rid of his dressing gown, blew out the candles and the next second he was on top of her. It all lasted twenty minutes usually, the longest they'd spent is thirty minutes and after they recovered their breathing, he used to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, sometimes on lips, if she was lucky and escaped the room. She had tried to make him stay, not once but three times, but he always replied with "I can't, it's not proper" , coupled with a consolation kiss on the cheek and left. He even did that on their wedding night and it tore her apart. She wanted him near her, to be with her, to hold her, but he never did. After a month he noticed her sad eyes after yet another session of love making and he held out his arms and held her for some time, Cora remembered how surprised she was when he did, but it was a happy and a welcoming surprise, but it was too good to last long, after a while, he kissed the top of her head, bid her goodnight and left, that's what their routine had been from that day. But he was still kind towards her, she didn't blame him because it wasn't his fault that he didn't love her. She was head over heels for him but he….well he liked her, she was sure of that, but far away from loving her, It hurt her badly but she remained optimistic, but moments like these when she was all alone, she used to have this panic attack, it was like an inner voice whispering, _He won't love you. Everyone dislikes you. You're a burden. You're a foreigner. He regrets marrying you._ She shut her eyes and told herself that it isn't true and that it will all happen in good time. Right? _But ,when?_ It's been months. She was just twenty years old, she was torn, she had so many dreams about her and Robert but it was like they're stuck in a dark room and they can't find the light. When will he fall in love her? Will he ever? She didn't know, but she chose to remain positive before this loneliness eats her up fully, she didn't have a choice, so she chose to stay positive. She wiped away the tears and picked up the long forgotten book by her side, she flipped the page open to continue when she saw someone approach behind her. She turned and saw her lady's maid, Simmons. An elderly woman in her fifties. She was kind and honestly her only friend here. She understood her and consoled her. Numerous times she had hugged her for several minutes when Cora needed to cry, she was almost like a mother, Cora smiled as she saw her approach.

"Yes, Simmons?", Cora asked sweetly.  
"Milady, Lady Grantham is asking for you in the drawing room"

Cora sighed, knowing, it was the end of her peaceful time for the day.

"I'll be there in a moment", Cora said sadly.  
"Milady, she seemed…well rather angry, it's better if you come right away"

 _Oh dear!_ Mother-in-law is angry, Cora stood up in an instant and followed Simmons wondering what has she done wrong now.


	2. Chapter 2

Cora entered the drawing room, ready for whatever storm she's about to face. She entered with a smile and saw Robert working on his table and Lady Grantham sipping her tea, her eyes as stern as a witch.

"Good evening, Mama", Cora started the conversation.

"Good evening, dear", Violet replied with nothing but harshness in her voice, only then Robert saw that his wife had entered the drawing room.

Cora picked up her tea cup and brought the cup to her lips for a sip when Violet continued,  
"Have you had your monthly?", taken aback, Cora coughed on the sip she had taken as it went in the wrong way, thanks to her mother-in-law.

Robert grew red at the topic, and quickly stood up and murmured something about a meeting and ran from the drawing room. Cora knew where this topic was leading and she got angry at Robert for leaving her alone like this. Fine, he was uncomfortable about such topics but he should've stayed to support Cora, he can at least do that, can't he?

Violet asked again, and Cora turned bright red and looked down at her cup, wishing to disappear.

"Do you know Lady Rosalie? Her daughter-in-law is two month pregnant. She couldn't stop babbling about her future grandson. Her son was married the same time as you and Robert were, Cora are you refusing Robert?, Violet asked in a harsh tone.

Cora wanted to cry but she held back her tears and replied, still looking down.

"No, Mama", she almost whispered.

"Then what are you doing wrong? It shouldn't take this much time, of course if you were an English, you would've conceived by now, it must be your American blood"

"Mama, these thing take time, it's only been a few months" , Cora replied keeping her voice stable.

"Don't lecture me, Cora. I know more than you do. I can't stand those women babbling about their grand children and I am sitting there like an idiot, congratulating them"

Cora didn't know what to reply. She so desperately wanted to be pregnant, she wasn't refusing Robert. They did their duty almost every night, it wasn't her fault and this constant criticism was suffocating her. It was more awful that she had to go through this alone, it's wasn't only her job, it was Robert's as well, but no, to her mother-in-law, it was entirely Cora's fault.

The dressing gong rung putting an end to this awkward silence and Cora thanked God and went straight to her room. Shutting the door, she let the tears run down freely. Why did she have to be so rude? Moments like these, made her desperately wanting to run to her own mother. Her fierce, opinionated mother, she wasn't very close to her but she was her mother after all and she loved her. Cora wiped the tears and sat down on her settee with a sigh. _It will get better. Soon, very soon._ She told herself. Putting up a smile on her face she rung the bell for Simmons to get her ready for yet another judgmental, suffocating dinner.

Later that night, Robert entered the room and took of his dressing gown. Cora put her book aside knowing it was "duty time".

"Are you alright?", Robert asked as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"Why do you ask?", Cora asked him, it wasn't always he asked if she was okay.

"Mama, was a bit rude to you at dinner and I think she gave you quite a hard time at tea"

Cora smiled sadly, "It' not the first time. I'm okay", she lied.

Robert nodded and blew out the candles. Almost half an hour later, they laid there in the darkness on the bed holding each other, recovering their breathing.

"Oh I wanted to tell you that we have been invited to Lady Laurel's ball tomorrow.", Robert stated.

"Oh, alright."

"It's in London and many old friends of mine will be there, almost all of them are married so I think you'll have a good time with their wives"

Cora nodded knowing the "forced holding" was about to end, just as the thought came, Robert moved, giving her a light kiss on the cheek.

"I'll say good night, then"

"Good night, Robert".

He climbed out the bed and escaped to his dressing room. Cora sighed, dreaming for the hundredth time, how wonderful it would've been if he slept here with her, holding her, only because he wanted to, not because he thought that she wanted him to. With these thoughts, sleep claimed her and she dreamt of the world which she had dreamed growing up.


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived in long only a couple of hours before they had to get ready for Lady Laurel's ball. Cora had met them only once, at their wedding. She seemed nice enough, well that's all she could say about her on their brief meeting. Cora decided to rest before the gong and Robert spent the time reading a book downstairs.

"Thank you, Simmons", Cora said with a smile as Simmons adjusted the last pin in her hair.

Simmons nodded and opened the door to leave.

"I'm sorry, milord", Simmons jumped as Robert almost crashed into her.

Robert took a step back and said, "No need to apologize, is her ladyship ready?"

"Yes, milord", Simmons replied, awkwardly smiling.

Robert passed by her to enter the room, "Cora, We ought to-".

He stopped in the mid sentence and he observed the stunning view in front of him. His wife wearing a light peach gown, matching perfectly with her milky skin. She was looking so beautiful; her eyes were shining out in this color, those stunning blues looking at him innocently. She wore a silver tiara, making her look like a goddess descended from heaven. _His goddess_. He thought and sighed. She was so beautiful.

Cora's immediate thought was _He doesn't like it._ He was staring at her with his mouth open and his eyes wide. Surely something was not right.

"Is it the tiara?" Cora asked embarrassed, waking Robert from his thoughts.

"Pardon?" , Robert asked ,confused at the sudden statement.

"The tiara, it looks bad doesn't it, that's why you're staring."

"What?", He was never good with such things, especially when it came to his wife. _Oh god, his gorgeous wife._ He shook his head, coming back to the present.

"No, of course not, it looks very nice on you", Robert replied, truthfully.

"Then, why were you staring?", Cora asked innocently. It wasn't every day that her husband came into the room only to stare at her with a shocked expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry…I just, um, well, you look…", He couldn't muster out the words. Was it the first time she wore this color? Or what it the first time he'd noticed? He didn't know. All he did know was how beautiful she looked.

Lost in thought again, Robert didn't see Cora walking towards him. She put a hand on his arm bringing him out of his thoughts once again.

"Robert, are you feeling alright?" , she asked, her voice full of concern.

He covered her hand on his arm and smiled, the smile that made her knees weak. She was so sweet, so innocent. Her white cheeks turned pink.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just that, you look very beautiful".

Cora lowered her lashes as her pink cheeks turned red. "Thank you", she replied shyly, enjoying the feeling of his hand on hers.

"Is this a new gown?", he asked curiously.

"Oh? Yes, it is. I bought it last month", she replied as she angled her face to meet his eyes.

Their eyes met and a lump formed in her throat. _He was so beautiful._

He looked into her stunning blue orbs and he fought the urge to blink. _She was so beautiful._

They kept staring and all Cora could think was, _Kiss Me. Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Please Kiss Me!_

Noticing the sudden change in her expressions, Robert shook his head lightly, "Oh I completely forgot, we are late, we should go now".

 _Damn._

She tried hard to hide her disappointment and moved towards the door.

Robert stayed behind, admiring his wonderful wife. His voice left his mouth before he thought it through.

"Cora?", he stopped her as she turned around.

"Yes?"

He closed the gap between them and asked, "Can I kiss you?"

It was like a genie came and granted her wish. She had this sudden urge to roll her eyes, of course, he can, he was her husband, he didn't need to ask. But she fought the urge and nodded in agreement.

His lips met hers and she had to hold his arms to prevent herself from falling. He tasted fresh and wonderful. He held her waist, and smiled into the kiss, knowing she was enjoying it. As they moved apart, they shyly smiled to each other. She didn't know what happened to him, he hardly ever kisses her like this. It had only happened a few times, where passion from his side was evident and oh, how she loved it. She thought maybe it was because they were away from Downton. Away from the sneaky mother-in-law who apparently knew everything that happened in their bedroom. Maybe he was cautious of getting caught by anyone at Downton, because as far as she remembered, all the passionate kisses, the real kisses, in her opinion had happened away from Violet Crawley. She counted, few on their honeymoon, one when Lady Grantham was staying at Rosamund's, one when they were coming back from a dinner. All away from _her._

They walked down the stairs and Cora touched her lips whenever Robert was looking another way. She couldn't stop grinning like an idiot, but she controlled herself. _Behave, Cora. Behave_. Maybe things were changing for the good.

Lady Laurel and her husband welcomed them to the ball. For the next hour, Robert met about a dozen of his friends as Cora met dozens of the wives. Thankfully, Robert kept reminding her of the names and relations before meeting them so she was at ease.

Cora and Robert were standing in the corner, sipping wine when Cora spoke, "Robert, I forget, who is that lady in the purple dress?", she whispered in his ear.

"That's Lady Alice and with her in yellow dress is her sister, Lady Charlotte, they're both old family friends of ours and they're-" , he stopped in midway as his gaze stuck in a constant angle. His eyes wide in surprise. Cora followed his gaze, to stare at a women, dressed in a maroon gown who was talking to someone behind Lady Charlotte .

"I can't believe it!",Robert murmured to himself, but loud enough for Cora to hear.

"What happened, Robert?, but before he could reply, that lady in maroon, caught Robert's gaze and smiled to him and started to move towards him.

Cora didn't liked what she was seeing. But she waited to hear who the women really was before approving her jealousy to move further.

"Robert Crawley", the lady in maroon dress spoke, forming a triangle with the two of them.

"Kara Dixon", Robert instantly copied with that grin. That grin was only for Cora. Who is this Kara Dixon, she wondered. She was obviously very close to Robert that they both cut the formality of "Lord Downton" or "Lady Kara".

Robert moved his head to kiss Kara's cheek. "What on earth are you doing here?", Robert replied, looking all surprised. _Happily surprised._

"I came back two months ago, I wasn't expecting to see you here", Kara replied, her grin constant.

Cora felt like a fool there, as the two of them talked. Robert wasn't introducing her so she did that herself.

"I'm Lady Downton", she broke the gaze they both were holding of each other.

Robert felt embarrassed and continued the rest for her, "Yes, of course. Kara meet my wife, Cora. Cora this is Lady Kara Dixon, we both have shared our childhood together. She lived in a neighboring estate to Downton, until three years ago."

It certainly wasn't lovely to meet her but she had a role to play, "Lovely to meet you, Lady Dixon"

Kara held out a hand to stop her, "Please, call me Kara and likewise"

"If you wish. So both of you know each other from your childhood?" , Cora asked before they had a chance to shut her out again.

" Oh yes", Kara replied, enthusiastically, "Robert and I have been friends for ages. Best friends actually. We used to ride together, hide from the nanny together.." at this comment, Robert laughed, probably reminiscing some old memory with Kara, Cora assumed. "We had a lot in common and we both used to annoy Rosamund all the time", by now Robert was laughing out loud.

By now, Cora had decided. _No, I don't like her._ It just wasn't the fact that she was very friendly with him, it was also because she was pretty. Very pretty, with blonde hair and light blue eyes, similar to those of Robert's. She had a nice smile as well and she was English.

Cora- 0. Kara-1.

She didn't know why she was competing with Kara, but she felt a deep pang of jealousy for Kara. And Kara? Seriously, of all the names in the world, did she really had to have a name similar to Cora?

Cora's thoughts were interrupted by the music playing and she looked at Robert who was still looking at Kara and Kara was still grinning at Robert.

Cora was about to ask Robert if they should dance but Kara spoke before her, winning at this one again.

"Cora, I hope you don't mind if I steal your husband at this dance, I'm really excited to catch up".

Cora gritting her teeth, replied with a forced smile, "No of course not", just as she said, Kara was dragging Robert to the dance floor in the most unladylike manner. She needed to know more of this Kara Dixon.

Rosamund walked towards Cora with two glasses of champagne. Cora was really in need of it so she thanked her and God for it.

"Where's Marmaduke?", Cora inquired.

"Oh, I forced him to dance with Lady Laurel first, it seemed rude, if he didn't"

Cora took a sip and sighed. If only Robert was like that, that she had to force him to dance with the others.

"So, you know Lady Kara as well?", Cora asked.

"Yes, very well. Robert and she were almost sweethearts back in the day, they used to tease me all the time but then I used to tease them about being 'together' in reply"

 _Sweethearts, of course._

"Rosamund, why didn't then Robert pursue her?" , Cora asked now, slightly drunk.

"Oh, Cora dear, I didn't mean.." , Rosamund started clarifying herself immediately.

"Oh no, no of course not, I just meant generally, because they had been sweethearts, as you said", Cora replied, playing her best poker face.

"Oh, well brother dear had to go to Eton at some point and she stayed at home. By the time brother had returned from Cambridge, she was already engaged to Lord Dixon , a very wealthy gentleman."

Always about the money where English are concerned, she thought as Rosamund continued.  
"..Well when brother dear came back, she got married two months later, but we didn't attend the wedding as Lord Dixon had decided to move to Italy and hence the wedding took place there. They were both happily married"

 _Married, Thank God. But wait…."WERE?_ "

Before Cora could ask, Rosamund continued, "That poor man, died in a train crash in Italy, a year ago. She remained in Italy for the the time until she moved back here two months ago. She was in a very sensitive state as you could imagine so Lady Laurel invited her here today, so she can socialize and come out of the grief"

To Cora, she looked like anything but _in grief._ But she felt sad for her, it must've been awful losing her husband whom she was happily married to, she imagined if it had been her and Robert, she couldn't have survived. She loved him so much, and if she looses him, she'd die of a broken heart. Just the thought brought tears to her eyes and she blinked them away.

The danced ended, but before Robert could come to her, Lady Laurel's husband came and asked for Cora to dance, so she agreed. Robert noticing her companion went back to Kara for another dance.

Cora was now fully jealous, the jealousy was labeled on her face with big letters.

"Are you quite alright, Lady Downton?", Lord Davidson, Lady Laurel's husband inquired, noticing the harsh look on her face.

"Oh, yes, quite alright. I was just wondering where my husband was?", she asked, acting her best to look as if she didn't know.

Lord Davidson swayed her towards _them,_ and Cora got what she wanted, wanting to keep a check on them. She trusted Robert , of course, her darling Robert who had just kissed her so beautifully a few hours ago but not Kara, she had this instinct about her that she isn't very sweet and innocent as she seemed.

"Oh yes. I forget the name of the lady, he's dancing with, I'm sorry I'm terrible with names", she laughed a little to look honest.

"Oh, that is Lady Kara Dixon, she knows Lord Downton well, she used to live in Italy but came back after the death of her husband"

"Oh, do you know her well?" , she asked and he almost repeated the same story that Rosamund had told her, but Cora was eager to know more, so she politely got out as much information from him as she could get, without looking too eager. A trick she learned from her mother, Martha.

But she wanted to know as much as she can about Kara Dixon.

Cora wasn't much of a fighter or a clever women who were always plotting , an example being her mother-in-law, but she needed to know more before she assumed herself about Kara's personality and feelings for Robert. Cora was kind and wonderful but she wasn't a fool, so she needed to know more about her and then she'll decide if she should form friendship with her or not and most importantly, worry about her over friendliness with Robert.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later, back at Downton, Cora and Robert were walking, their daily walk after luncheon. It had become a routine after they've come back from their honeymoon. This and the 'night duty time' was all they spent together in a day. After Lady Laurel's ball, there was no word from Kara, nor Robert said anything related her, which calmed Cora's nerves to great extent. Kara wasn't the only one who had ever drooled over or flirted with Robert but Cora had this feeling about her which wasn't right, like an itch she can't read and it drove her mad that day, and the next two days they were in London. But the next two days were spent attending a dinner at Lord Flintsher's house, husband to Robert's cousin and next day was spent at Rosamund's and gladly no one brought up that Kara Dixon.

Maybe she was just excited to see Robert, and vice versa. They had been friends, right? Very good friends. There was nothing to be jealous about. Cora's thoughts were interrupted by Robert;

"Watch this step!", Robert exclaimed.

"What..oww!, too late", Cora chuckled a little.

"Are you hurt?", Robert asked so tenderly, it made her want to take him in her arms this instant but she shook the thought.

"I'm fine", she replied softly.

They continued walking, when Robert asked, "You are very quiet today".

"Oh? Am I? Sorry, I was day dreaming", Cora replied, just realizing that they hadn't said a single word since they started their walk.

Robert chuckled a little. He found Cora absolutely adorable. She was sweet, charming and innocent. Almost like a porcelain doll. "What about?", he asked.

"Oh, this and that". Typical American, he thought. She was a breath of fresh air at Downton, a welcoming change and Robert was always in awe whenever she spoke at ease. He realized that she was always nervous when someone was with them, but she was only at ease with him. He felt sad for her and he always tried to make her smile but the issue was; he didn't know how. He didn't love her, but he liked her, very much. She was a beautiful, sweet and an intelligent person which he greatly admired.

Robert heard Cora humming and smiled to himself. He'd love to hear her sing, he bet she had a beautiful voice, he didn't want to interrupt but he suddenly remembered something and spoke.

"Cora, my dear, did Mama tell you the plans for next week?" ,he asked squeezing her hand on the crook of his arm.

"Oh, no, she didn't", she answered.

"Oh, she must've forgotten. The thing is that Mama and Papa's anniversary Is next week but Mama didn't realize earlier and set a ball here at Downton, two days after their anniversary. It's their 25th so there's going to be a big party. Almost the same people are invited to the ball the next two days, so Mama thought is foolish if they were to come and go and then come back again. So what they've decided is that the guests will arrive on the day of their anniversary, after luncheon, I suppose and will stay till the day of the ball and would leave the next day. So they'll stay almost four days here" , Robert explained .

"Oh, how exciting!", She was thrilled, four days without her being in the spot light, what a bliss!  
"Who are coming?" , she asked, excited to know more.

"Oh, all the neighboring lords and the ladies. A few from London, mostly the people you met at Lady Laurel's ball . There will be plenty of women your age, wait I have a list..", he took out a list from his pocket that he had decided earlier to hand over to their butler, Williams after their walk.

"Lady Alice, Lady Charlotte, Lady Susan, Lady Margaret, Rosamund, of course and Lady Kara as well..", he ended the list with a smile on his face.

 _Kara Dixon. Of course, she'll come._

All the excitement was flooded by nervousness in a matter of seconds.

 _Why? Why her? But no, I will not feel threaten or jealous. She's just an over friendly women, it's her nature, that's it. But I have to keep an eye on her._

Cora felt bad, honestly. She wasn't like this; snoopy and the plotting type, but it was just this Kara Dixon, that drove her mad and she didn't even know why.

 _Why does she make me so uncomfortable? Why do I have a bad feeling about her? Lady Margaret is very friendly with Robert too, I don't feel uncomfortable when she is around Robert. Then why this Kara? WHY?_

"Cora, are you alright? You've turned white as a sheet", Robert asked, his voice full of concern at the sudden change of expressions.

"Oh, nothing , I'm alright, I was just thinking about the arrangements for the bedrooms", she replied sweetly.

"Oh", he said smiling, "That's alright, my dear, you can discuss later with Mama. Should we head back now?"

She only nodded and suddenly gripped his arm tighter. Robert noticed the increased pressure of his arm, but didn't mind. They walked back to the house in silence. But Cora could almost hear the storm raging inside her.


	5. Chapter 5

The anniversary was on the 16th of July. After luncheon, the house was like a zoo. Williams, the butler was going mad, checking each and every arrangement downstairs with the housekeeper, . Lady Grantham and Cora were both re-checking all the arrangements upstairs. Within minutes, the gates of Downton Abbey opened and one by one the guests arrived. Cora spent half of her previous evening refreshing the names of all the guests in her mind, not sparing any excuse for the mother-in-law to taunt her or make fun of her. She will do this perfectly, she had decided and by now she hadn't given any excuse to her for a harsh lecture which is almost ready for her all the time.

On the outside, she played the dutiful host. Over the five months of her marriage she has mastered the art of playing the Viscountess and the future Countess. Always the smiling and the welcoming hostess.

"How lovely to see you, Lady Lee", "Oh do come in", "Please don't hesitate to ask", "Oh I was wondering where you were". She has repeated these lines so many times that she lost count.

On the inside, her heart was thumping with the name, _Kara Dixon. Kara Dixon. KARA DIXON!_

Robert stood beside her, doing the same boring job. They had exchanged looks together, rolling eyes and silently passing the message "When will this be over", it made Cora chuckle, at least she wasn't the only one bored out of her mind doing this.

And at last, her recent deepest fear, entered the door as Williams announced the much awaited name, loud and clear, LADY KARA DIXON! Cora could almost hear the drum roll inside.

"Oh lovely to see you again, Lady Kara!", Cora said with a forced smile as they shook hands.  
"Likewise, Cora. Ahh, Robert, how are you?", again she formed a triangle standing in front of them as Robert kissed her cheek…with that grin.

"I'm well, Kara. How have you been, not causing any trouble for Rosamund hopefully", Robert asked, still smiling.

After the ball at Lady Laurel's, Kara had stayed with Rosamund and Marmaduke.

Kara rolled her eyes at the comment, "It's never fun doing that without you, Robert"

 _Yes, of course,why would it be, You loved hearing that 'You two are together' comments with my husband from Rosamund, didn't you, Kara?_

Robert laughed out loud, and Cora took silent deep breaths to calm herself. This woman drove her mad.

"If you'll allow me ma'am , I'll show you your room", interrupted and Cora was grateful.

Kara followed , grinning one last time at Robert and Robert grinning back to her. Cora felt like an idiot standing there. If she was alone she would've let out a loud 'UGHHH' but no, she can't do that now. She'll do that in her room and so she did. She excused herself and went back to her room. Just as she closed the door she heard the gong. It was time to start dressing for early anniversary dinner.

She pulled the bell cord and let out a loud 'UGHHH', it felt better. Much better.

Simmons entered the room and just as she closed the door, Cora spoke.

"Simmons, I'm sorry for the last minute changes but I will not be wearing that red dress. Can you please get ready my turquoise dress, the one I bought a few days ago"

"Yes, right away, milady", Simmons said after a bit of hesitation.

Cora decided to change her dress because she wanted to look her best and she knew that, that turquoise dress looks absolutely wonderful on her and she wanted to look the best of all , at dinner. She can do that and so she will. If it's a competition then so be it.

Although she had the winning card after all, Robert was her husband. He was hers. Cora's. Only Cora's. But she didn't like how Robert looked at that Kara, so she will try her best to not let his attention wander elsewhere, she will look absolutely irresistible.

Cora-1. Kara-1.

She smiled to herself , as she started looking for the jewellary.

Robert was talking to Shrimpie, before dinner when Cora descended the staircase.

Shrimpie was telling something about his estate, Duneagle but Robert couldn't concentrate; all he could see was this beautiful goddess, his own goddess walking down the stairs, smiling at him. He excused himself and held out his hand which Cora took gladly.

He brought her gloved hand to his lips and Cora blushed and lowered her lashes, "You look beautiful, Cora".

"Thank you", she said, enjoying the feel of his hand on hers. "I knew you liked this gown when I bought it so I decided to wear it tonight"

"Thank you, it really suits you!", he complimented again, placing a light kiss on her cheek.

"Am I interrupting something?", a voice broke their romantic moment and they both turned to see the owner of the voice.

 _Of course, it was her._

"Kara! Of course, not", Robert replied, his face slightly embarrassed. "Have you settled in quite well?"

"Oh, yes. It is lovely to be back here, so many amazing memories with all you Crawleys", she nudged her elbow into Robert's arm, winking at him. Once again totally ignoring Cora's presence.

"We should head in", Cora said interrupting their trail of thoughts.

"Yes, we should", Kara added.

If Cora could, she'd kiss Robert in front of her to make it clear that he is hers but well, Robert and her weren't on such terms so she gently took his arm again and started walking towards the dining room.

Rosamund met them halfway and said, "Ah, brother dear, I guess I'm with you. Mama has placed me with you and Kara on your left. Just like old times"

Robert smiled at this, "Shall be fun" .

"Oh it definitely will be", Kara added, her enthusiasm obvious.

Cora once again felt so left out. Does this Kara really have to speak on every matter? She always come and ruins the moment between her and Robert since the day she first met her. And now she is sitting with him through dinner. _Great!_ She hated all this.

Dinner went as planned; Lord Grantham made a noble speech for Lady Grantham telling everyone how lucky he was to have her. Cora wondered what Robert thought about her, and what would he say after 25 years of their marriage. Will he tell everyone that she is the "most wonderful wife", like Lord Grantham? Will he say that "she's an all rounder, with beauty, brain and a heart", like her father-in-law? She couldn't tell, but she only hoped he will. Cora was seated between Lord Davidson and Shrimpie. Throughout dinner, she talked about Scotland where Shrimpie resided or talked about hunting, which was apparently Lord Davidson favorite topic. She played her part well, nodding and placing her opinions but her eyes and mind were mainly focused on Robert and Kara. They were laughing about something and whispering then laughing again, and then Rosamund said something and they laughed again and Rosamund rolled her eyes. They were having a wonderful time but Cora was bored and jealous out of her mind. Finally after an hour, Lady Grantham said it was time for the ladies to move to the drawing room. Cora took a sigh of relief, getting Kara away from Robert made her immensely happy.

In the drawing room, Cora sipped another glass of wine when Kara smiled and walked towards her.

"It was a lovely dinner", Kara said.

"Yes, it was. I hope you enjoyed", Cora stated the obvious.

"Oh yes, me and Robert had a great time walking down the memory lane. He was such a naughty little boy, we have pulled numerous pranks here on our nannies", she said it rather oddly, her expressions bold and her eyes dark, as if she was up to something. Normally, such memories are told with smiles on one's faces but this was…odd.

Cora was a bit surprised. She never thought of Robert as a naughty boy who caused trouble for nannies. He looked so serious and so well-mannered to her. It hurt her to think how little she knew about him. Cora thoughts were interrupted when Kara said, "We would've been married!"

 _Wait..MARRIED?!_

"I'm sorry?", Cora said, not hiding her shock.

"Me and Robert. We always thought we'd end up married", Kara added as it was a matter of fact.

Cora knew how she was playing, this woman was trouble and she was ridiculously bold. What was the point of telling her that?

"You both thought or was it only you?", Cora added with a smile and stern eyes. This was war.

"Oh, come on Cora, what do you think? But things didn't happened that way"

 _Damn it, she almost sounded sorry_.

"Lord Dixon proposed to me and by then, Downton was in trouble and my brothers inherited most of the money and the part which was mine wasn't sufficient for saving Downton so it didn't happen"

"No, it did not!", Cora said gritting her teeth, this time not hiding her anger.

Just then the men entered the drawing room, "Now if you'll excuse me Lady Dixon, I would like to join my husband", Cora said not bothering to look at her. She knew now, Kara was such a fox. Her instinct had been right. But it didn't matter as long as Robert didn't feel that way about Kara. Not now anyways. _But what if he does? What if he still fancies her? What if.._

That inner voice spoke again. No! Cora shook her head; she won't let that woman brain wash her. Robert didn't really act in any way to imply that he still had feelings for her and Rosamund never mentioned that they planned to get married. She'll judge all this herself.

She went towards Robert with a smile, and he smiled back. She sighed, God how she loved this man. So desperately. She joined him and stood by him for the rest of the evening.

An hour later, she went to bed and was exhausted. Simmons helped her change and tied her braid. She fell back on the pillows and shut her eyes. She heard Robert enter his dressing room, she was half expecting him but he didn't come, she heard him blow out the candles and retire on his bed. She wanted him near and wanted to satisfy herself that he is completely hers but part of her desperately wanted to sleep. To rest and be fully prepared to face the morning. To face _her._


	6. Chapter 6

After her usual breakfast in bed, she picked out her most beautiful day dress; not too fancy and not too casual. A light pink colored silk gown which matched the natural blush of her cheeks. She went downstairs a little early than usual so she can catch Robert and see if they can go out for a walk.

She entered the breakfast room and heard a giggle. _Her giggle._ It made her nauseous. Almost everyone had finished their breakfast and had left the room, she only saw Robert, Marmaduke, the new footman, Carson and Kara who was absurdly laughing at something.

"Morning, Robert", she leaned down to kiss his cheek. It wasn't usual but she had to do something to prove to Kara that their relationship was far better than it actually was.

"Good morning", he replied a little stunned, "You're down early"  
"Oh, yes, I was hoping we could go for a walk right now".

He exchanged looks with her and then Kara and Kara busied herself by focusing on her breakfast. She really didn't care a thing about rules and she had decided to even have breakfast with the men downstairs. Always a step ahead of Cora. She was a clever piece of work.

"Oh, I'm sorry Cora, Kara has asked me to accompany her to Ripon, she wants to visit a few favorite places of our childhood and I'm afraid if we don't leave now, the place will grow unimaginably chaotic"

 _Right. Of course, she has._

Cora-1. Kara-2.

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry Cora, we'll be out most of the day, but you can come along with us if you want to", Kara added.

 _What a nasty women._

Cora curled her fists into a ball behind her back. Cora evaluated for a minute, if she goes, she will once again play the third wheel and she might burst in front of everyone or may punch Kara's face so she decided it was best not to go. She trusted Robert enough to keep his distance and since they were going to a public place, there's not much trouble in it. What the eye didn't see, the heart won't grieve over, right?

"Oh, no, it's alright, you two go. Umm, Robert, darling, can you come outside for a second?", she said placing a hand on his shoulder.

He nodded and left the room with her.

"Yes?", he asked curiously.  
"When will you be back?", Cora asked.  
"Before the dressing gong, hopefully. Kara's got quite a list made"  
"Oh"

"What's the matter?"

"It's just that..oh never mind"

"No tell me", he said, softly caressing her cheek.

She wanted to tell him what Kara said to her last night, about her and Robert being in love and their plan on marrying each other. She hesitated a little but when he looked at her so sweetly and asked so tenderly, she knew she couldn't keep it in longer

"It's just.."

Before she could continue, Kara exited the room and said, "Ready, Robert?".

 _Oh you bitch!_

Robert looked at Kara then back to Cora and stared at her to continue, but Cora only shook her head, "It's fine, you go", she leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on his cheek. Robert smiled briefly and nodded at Kara to walk further. Kara took his arm in an instant and started talking about something and just then Cora saw, Robert laughing, smiling and enjoying.

She observed them from behind, they really looked like two people in love, she could almost see two young children that had shared a history together. She hated Kara but just then she thought, Robert never smiled like this with her, nor he was at such ease with her. Kara definitely had feelings for Robert and now it was like someone poured salt on Cora's wounds. _What if Robert still feels the same way about Kara? What if Kara is the real reason, he hadn't come to love her? What if Kara made him happier than she did? What_ _if she really is a burden?_

She felt a bile rise up to her throat and she ran to the bathroom, emptying her stomach. She held the sides of the sink; her knuckles going white and she looked up in the mirror in front of her and heard that voice again.

 _You saved his home but you ruined his life._

Cora spent the rest of the day busying herself with work. She didn't want to think about it, not now. She shouldn't assume such things, she'll give more time. But now that the thought had entered her damn mind, she couldn't shoo it away, so she busied herself , with loads of work, mostly for the ball the day after tomorrow. The dressing gong rung and she had no idea whether _they_ were back or not. She hurriedly dressed herself with Simmons help and rushed downstairs. They had come back and were standing together with a Lady Margaret and Lady Charlotte. Kara was standing next to him, they both were exchanging looks. The kind of looks he exchanged with Cora when they greeted the guests the day earlier. Cora felt a new wave of tears flooding out but she blinked them away _. No, no, it can't be! It's only my damn mind._

Dinner was usual, Cora lost her appetite whenever she saw _her_ giggling with Robert but she focused her mind on what Lady Alice was saying about the new fashions in London.

She retired to her room after the compulsory gathering in the drawing room. She was lying on the bed and she smiled to herself. Tomorrow will be different; tomorrow Robert will spend all his time with her. Just the thought made her blush and why wouldn't he spend his time with her, it was her birthday after all. She looked at her chain clock, only a few minutes till 18th July, her twenty-first birthday! She wondered how they will spend the day, it was her first birthday here at Downton. Back in America, the whole household made such a fuss about it, parties, surprises and numerous gifts. She wondered how her new family will make the day special for her. She heard his dressing room door open and she smiled and just as if in sync, her clock buzzed midnight. She waited for him to enter and kiss her and congratulate her but nothing of sort happened. Her heart broke when after ten minutes it was obvious that he won't come. She wiped away her tears and blew out the candles. _The day has just started yet, he must be tired._ With that thought she drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

She woke up next day, hearing numerous knocks on her door.

"Milady? Milady, are you quite alright?", It was Simmons, she sounded worried.

Cora stretched her arms and yawned, "Yes, Come in, Simmons". She sat up before she could enter.

"Milady, Lady Grantham has asked for you twice, I thought you were ill, that's why you didn't rung for breakfast", Simmons explained, her brow furrowed.

"What? What is the time", Cora asked.

"It's almost an hour over the usual time you go downstairs"

Cora's eyes grew wide. She didn't know what happened and how she slept this long, maybe it was because her mind was a whirlwind from the past several days due to that Kara. She shook her head and almost let out another 'UGHH', but controlled herself. As much as she wanted to avoid any harsh talk with Lady Grantham in front of all the guests, all her efforts were backfired. She knew it; this is going to cost her a lengthy lecture. Then suddenly she remembered, it was her birthday! A small smile appeared on her face _. Maybe not_ , she thought. Maybe she will be kind enough to compromise this particular lecture because it was her birthday.

"Simmons, where's his lordship?", Cora inquired.

" said he is out on some estate business with Lord Grantham. He asked for you twice, milady but you were asleep so he went", Simmons replied.

 _Damn it, he would've wanted to wish me!_

"Did he tell when he'll be back?", Cora asked, her voice full of frustration.

"No, milady"

Cora only nodded and got up to dress herself. She went down at met the sight of her mother-in-law shouting at one of the footmen. Cora sighed and continued her walk. Lady Grantham saw her approach towards her and gave her a harsh look.

"So, you're finally out of bed then?", Violet said, anger in her voice was evident.

"I'm sorry, Mama, I don't know how I slept so long"

Lady Grantham held out a hand to stop Cora from speaking, "Never mind, my dear. I don't know how you Americans work anyway. Now that you're finally downstairs, please go and check the flower arrangements for the ball tomorrow and I've made a list of thing that need to be checked as well", she handed Cora a long list of things and Cora, sighed, _this is going to be a long day_.

She looked up to see her mother-in-law but she was already gone. No wishes, not anything, just a long list of things that needed to be done. Maybe she was really angry after all, Cora thought and went to see the flower arrangements.

Cora spent the whole day doing the things that her mother-in-law instructed her to do so. Robert still hadn't returned yet. She passed by Kara a couple of times but she ignored her presence like Kara did almost all the time they've been together before. She wanted to prove how perfectly suitable she was for the position of the future Countess of Grantham and as Robert's wife, but he still hadn't returned yet and she had planned to stick with him throughout the evening. Cora was exhausted, she hadn't had her breakfast, she only ate two bites of her chicken at luncheon when Lady Grantham called out to her for another thing that needed to be done.

By the time, Robert returned, it was the time for the dressing gong so he went straight to his dressing room. He had had a tiring day with his father. They've been to check numerous farms and had talked to numerous harvesters and had ordered things that were needed for the crops. He was tired and all he wanted was to have dinner and go to bed.

After dressing he thanked his valet and went to Cora's room. She was in the middle of adjusting her gloves, she didn't hear him enter and he quietly observed his wife of five and a half months. She wore a purple dress and she looked magnificent.

Cora looked up and saw Robert observing her, she immediately blushed and Robert entered the room fully.

"I am sorry, I should've knocked. You look lovely"

"Thank you, Robert", she said shyly. "Where were you all day?"

"I was out on the estate with Papa, there were things that needed our immediate attention, I looked for you but your maid said you were asleep and I didn't want you to be disturbed"

"Oh, no it's my fault, I don't know how I slept so long".

Their eyes met and she waited for him to say something, to wish her but he kept looking into her eyes.

"Are you unwell", Robert inquired.

 _What? This was unexpected._

"No, no I'm fine, why?"

"You look tense, are you sure?", he placed the back of his hand of her forehead.

Cora smiled at his touch, "I'm fine, Robert". He smiled back and took her hand and kissed the back of it. "We should head downstairs", he added and walked towards the door.

Cora walked with him but that voice spoke again, _Hah, he doesn't even remember._ She felt a new wave of tears flooding out but she blinked them back. He doesn't even remember it. She realized that nobody in the whole house wished her and all she did the whole day was check flower arrangements and the variety of wines and the seating arrangements and if there were more maids or footmen needed, that's all she did. On her birthdays in America, she was treated like a princess and here nobody even remembered her birthday, it really wouldn't have mattered if nobody remembered besides Robert but the person whom she gave away everything for, doesn't even remember.

 _You've ruined his life. You're a burden. He wants Kara._

That voice spoke again and suddenly she felt claustrophobic. Robert noticed her sudden change in expressions.

"Cora, what's wrong?", he saw her eyes turning glassy.

"I am fine, I just felt dizzy for a moment", Cora replied blinking back the tears.

"You must rest, sweetheart"

"No, no I'm fine, I must attend dinner or you mother will eat me alive", she replied with a smile.

"I can tell Ma-"

"No, Robert, really, I am fine", she said and started walking ahead of him.

She obviously wasn't fine. She was _depressed, lonely, unwanted and a burden_. But she had to attend this dinner. She wanted to observe Kara and Robert, putting her own feelings aside. She always noticed Kara but today she wanted to observe Robert.

The seating arrangements were the same as the day before. Kara greeted Robert and he greeted back, with that terribly killer grin of his. She heard them talk about their days. She noticed that Kara was the one flirting, not Robert, He was loyal to Cora but she saw how easy he was with Kara, how natural they looked. He was himself with Kara and he hardly ever was like that with Cora.

 _She makes him happier._

She didn't know when the dinner started or when the dinner ended, she just knew that he was happier with Kara. She knew he liked her and she was glad but she loved him, much much more than what Kara felt for him, but she knew that he was happier with Kara.

All the men and women were in the drawing room and she sat in a group of Lady Grantham, Lady Charlotte and Lady Susan, when Williams entered and walked towards Cora. He handed a bunch of letters to Cora.

"Milady these came by the evening post, you were busy so I thought it better not to disturb you"

"Thank you, Willaims", she smiled back.

She knew what was in those letters and she smiled thinking. Robert watched her from the other side of the room, wondering why she had so many letters together in a day.

Cora went to her room late. Lady Grantham was in no mood for ending the drinks and it was almost midnight, she excused herself and went back to her room and changed herself. She was in no mood for Simmons fusing all over her. She sat in a comfortable position on her bed and ripped one letter open, it was her fathers. Then she opened another, it was Harold's. One by one she opened and read almost twenty lengthy letters from all the people who truly loved her.

She cried reading them. She missed her home, her family, her friends. But there was something in the letters that made her heart ache.

 _Oh do tell what Robert did for you?_

 _How did he surprise you?  
What did Robert gift you?  
Did you have a party? Write to me, tell everything._

 _You must be so happy._

 _I know she must have had a wonderful day and won't be missing us._

She set aside the letters and cried her heart out. She wasn't needed here, she didn't belong here. After what felt like hours she sat back up and wiped away her tears. It wasn't that he was better off without her, it was more than that. She was an outsider and she was tired trying, she gave her all but all she got were taunts in return. She would've gone through this with Robert's help but she was all alone, he was sweet and gentle in private but she knew that he'd never keep her priority and that his family and his estate would come before everything. She missed being loved, she was always the favorite in her family. _He'll never love you, He's better off with Kara_.

She looked at her side table and took out a muffin from the box that was placed on her table every day. The cook downstairs made fresh biscuits or cakes and some were always sent to every frequently used room, every evening. She took out one of the small candles from her drawer and lighted it with the help of the already lit candles; she placed that in the middle of the muffin and murmured to herself, _Happy Birthday, Cora._

She blew out the candle and shut her eyes, they stinged because of the crying. She took a bite and placed the rest on a small plate.

Robert drained down his scotch and tried hard to listen to Lord Spencer who was talking about his newly purchased motor car. He was exhausted, he had had a long, tiring day and he needed his rest for the ball tomorrow and it was past midnight. He excused himself and went to his dressing room.

He changed with the help of his valet, he was about to lie down but he noticed the lights in Cora's room from his adjoining door. He turned the knob slowly and saw Cora leaning on the bed back and noticed the bunch of letters spread on her lap and the muffin with a candle. Why was she sleeping like this? He closed the gap and saw a tear running down her eye down her cheek. Why was she crying? He realized she wasn't feeling good since the time he came back. He gently wiped the tear from her cheek, trying not to wake up but failed. Cora jerked right up.

"Oh, Robert!",she stated, sitting back up and rubbing her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you but, you were…you were crying in your sleep", he sounded worried.

"Oh, was I?", she a laughed a little and started gathering her letters together.

He noticed the half eaten muffin and found it odd that she had placed a candle in it. Why would anyone do that, unless… _Oh God!_

He didn't know where to start; he just saw his wife; crying and celebrating her birthday alone. His heart ached, how was he so stupid?

He took her hand and she stopped collecting the letters and stared back at him.

"What's wrong?", she asked curiously.

"Cora, oh Cora, I am so sorry", he squeezed her hand, his voice barely a whisper.

She stared back, not understanding what he was saying. Robert crossed the room to sit opposite her on the bed and took both of her hands.

"The muffin, this… it was your birthday", he stated the obvious but sadness in his voice was evident.

She lowered her gaze, embarrassed to have been caught in such a state.

"Cora please look at me"

She looked at him and he saw her eyes filling with tears.

"I am sorry, why didn't you remind me?"

Cora looked back at him, blinking back the tears, "What was I suppose to say, Robert? That it's my birthday, please wish me? And when? You weren't here all day". She kept her voice calm but failed to hide the shaky deliverance.

"I don't know how it slipped my mind. Mama or Rosamund should've reminded me", he looked away to their intertwined hands. He felt disappointed in himself. He has seen Cora; her eyes were sad, from a very long time and didn't know what to do. He was so busy with the estate matters that he neglected it.

"That's because nobody remembered it, Robert", her voice had calmed down a bit.

"I am truly sorry, I am so sorry for this", he wiped away her tears from her cheeks.

"It's fine. Don't worry I am not crying because of this", she lied. "It's just that everyone from back home sent these birthday letters so I got a bit emotional" , she started collecting the letters back in a bundle.

"Oh, who are they from?"

"Mama, Papa, Harold and some of the friends. They wished me a good day and thought I didn't miss them", she ended with a sad laugh.

"How did you celebrate your birthday back in America?", he asked helping her replacing the letters.

"Papa would always arrange a party for me, I don't know how he came up with so many different ideas, it was always better than the previous one"

He felt terribly sad for her. Nobody here bothered to wish her and back there everyone made sure that she had a great day.

"Happy Birthday, Cora", he said sadly.

"It's over now"

"I know…but I wanted to wish anyways", he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Thank you".

He sat up took out another muffin from the jar, lit it and brought it near to her lips.

"Blow it"

"I have already done that"

"I know, but do it again and make a wish"

She did as he said, she didn't need to make a wish, she only had one single wish and that wasn't the kind to ask for. She only ever wanted Robert's love back and she knew that she won't ever get it back.

"Now take a bite", Robert said.

"Robert, what are you doing?", she chuckled a little a took a bite.

"That's all I can do here". He took a little bite himself and took her hands again.

"You miss your family, don't you?",

"Yes, I do, very much".

He nodded and she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She started crying again silently and he took her into his arms and she let him. He moved his hand up and down her back. "I am sorry, I shouldn't cry like this".

"No, cry. Cry all you want", he placed a light kiss on the top of her head.

He realized how unhappy she had been here and it pained him. She was so beautiful, so innocent and so lovely. She didn't deserve this treatment, she deserved better. He failed as a husband.

"Can I do anything for you?", he asked, so sweetly that her heart fluttered.

"Just hold me, please", she said.

He placed another kiss on the top of her head and stood up. "Where are you going?"

He crossed the room and sat more comfortably on the bed and held out his arms, "Nowhere. Come here, you will be more comfortable".

She smiled and scooted closer to him. Her head on his shoulder and his hands on her waist, "Thank you"

He didn't say anything, but just placed another kiss on her head, both lost in thoughts.

 _She deserves better. She is so unhappy and it is because of me._

 _He is so nice to me but he is so unhappy and it is because of me._


	8. Chapter 8

Robert woke up the next morning holding Cora in his arms. He felt so strange; he had never slept in the same bed as his wife. He slowly moved up, trying not to wake her up, but failed like last night.

Cora's perfect lashes fluttered revealing those deep blue orbs and if Robert could, he's stare in those for the rest of his life.

"Oh, Robert, Good morning", she too was shocked to see him there.

"Good morning", he let her go and sat more properly on her bed, "I'm so sorry for all this, I didn't mean to stay here, I think I slept holding you".

Cora was disappointed; she really thought he would've stayed because he wanted to. He had never before but after last night, after how gentle and lovely he had been to her, she really thought he'd…changed. But who was she kidding, it was Robert, he despise changes.

"I didn't mind", Cora replied.

"You didn't?", he was a little surprised.

"No, why would I?", she stated plainly.

 _Yes, Robert, why would she?_

The truth was, he never really thought about it. He had been brought up in this way. He was told that husband and wife slept in different rooms. He saw his parents sleep in different rooms so he never really thought about it. In his mother's mind, it was _highly improper._ So he never really thought, why? Just another little difference between him and Cora. He knew she was hurt when he said that he hadn't intended to stay. Somehow, he always makes her sad and he hated it. He never intended to, but he always did. _Her life would be so much easier if she had been married an American_.

"Robert? What are you thinking?", Cora interrupted his trail of thoughts.

He looked at her again. God, she was so beautiful.

 _I don't deserve her._

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. She was surprised and didn't respond for a second but then she did. She sighed internally as his hand held her waist and the other cupped her face. She put her hand in his hair and played with his black curls. The kiss was becoming more and more passionate. They broke apart and Cora was a ball of emotions. She loved Robert so much and it hurt her how badly she wanted him. Fully, wholly. She wanted him to laugh with her how he laughed with Kara and wanted to know all about his childhood like Kara did. Wanted to spend all her time with him. She loved him hopelessly, blindly, madly. The words slipped out of her mouth as their foreheads were joined and they recovered their breathing.

"I love you", she said, her voice barely a whisper. It was the first time that she had told him this. She'd imagined this scene so many times in her mind but never said it. She said it with her eyes closed.

Robert who was gently moving his hands in circles on her waist, stopped.

 _I love you._

She loved him. His heart froze. _Did she really say that?_

Cora moved back a bit to look into his eyes. They were as if he had seen a ghost. His face went white. She stared at him and he stared back, both staring in silence.

She loved him. He adored her, liked her so much, but love? He didn't know the first thing about love. What did it feel like? How does it happen? _She loved him._ Why did she love him? He kept her so unhappy. He was the reason she was sad all the time. Nobody had ever really told him that they loved him. His parents were never this open with emotions nor his sister. The term love felt like a word from the fairytales, the kind that never existed in real life. _LOVE. SHE LOVED HIM? BUT HOW CAN IT BE?_

Before Cora could feel embarrassed, the knock on the door broke their gaze.

"Yes?", Cora replied, her voice was shaky.

"Milady, Lady Grantham is asking for you", Simmons replied.

"I'll be down in twenty minutes", she replied, looking away from Robert.

Their hands were still in that position. Cora immediately moved to run to the bathroom. Robert sat there for a moment; still digesting what had happened then went to his dressing room. Cora rushed into the washroom, her hands on her mouth to control her emerging sobs. She told him.

 _SHE TOLD HIM!_

After keeping it in for months, she told him and what did he do? He stared back as if he had seen a ghost. She told him and he stared back making her embarrass. She poured her heart out and he just stared back in silence. Cora slid down the washroom door and sat on the cold floor. Her hands on her knees and her face hidden between them.

He had been so lovely to her last night, she forgot all about the dreadful day when he held her in his arms and kissed her head nonstop. It had been so wonderful. She forgot all about Kara and her sadness and her loneliness. Then he had smiled at her so beautifully this morning, almost the same kind of smile that he gave to Kara and then he had kissed her. So wonderfully! It was like she was living one of her dreams. Her only dream; where the love of her life would love her back. She believed that he loved her back, just for a moment. It took all her guts to say those three words her ears ached to hear, she made the start, she said it, she took the chance, but what did he do? He stared back in horror.

Cora's sobs now became loud. Then she evaluated. Maybe he felt pity for her last night and stayed with her. But, no wait, he didn't intend to stay. Then why did he kiss her like that? Why did his eyes showed that he loved her back? What was he thinking? And what about? And then it hit her.

 _Kara._

He had been thinking about Kara. He only felt pity for her and kissed her like that. Maybe he had decided that he'd leave her. Maybe it was a goodbye kiss. The calm before the storm. Cushioning the blow. She felt so embarrassed. This was it, she thought. She had been right all along.

 _You have to get out of his way._

Robert worked at his desk, balancing some figures but his mind was elsewhere. He replayed the scene several times in his mind. She had told her that she loved him and he chickened out. He saw the look in her eyes, he had officially, properly crushed her heart. He felt so angry in himself. He didn't love her…or did he? He didn't know. What exactly was _love?_ Whatever it was, it was what she felt for him and what did he do? He stared back. Breaking her heart with every passing second. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair to her. And then it hit him.

 _You have to get out of her way._


	9. Chapter 9

Cora came downstairs; she tried her best to cover her puffy eyes. She needed to talk to Robert. This whole thing was becoming absurd. She was badly hurt and he was really burdened with her. She had to talk to him. Her heart pained so badly just to think about all this, it broke with every second but she needed to talk to him. He didn't love her; it was stupid of her to tell him when she knew that she wasn't what he wanted _. I cannot hurt him anymore_

Robert was writing a letter when Cora came in the library. Their eyes met and he could see her reddened ones. He knew he was the reason that they lost their shine; he was the reason that her magical eyes were deprived of their usual spark. Oh how he hated that! He loved her eyes. Somehow he always makes her sad. He doesn't do it intentionally, Oh God he'd never do that but somehow he always makes her sad, whenever they talk and it pained him to think that he was the reason why. After what Cora said to him this morning, how sweetly she told him that she loved him, how beautiful and hopeful she looked saying it, he yet again broke her heart. He couldn't do it. He will not break her heart once again. He was angry at himself. _I cannot hurt her anymore._

Cora hesitated for a second but walked towards him, her eyes never leaving his. Once they were at an appropriate gap, Cora spoke. Her eyes once again filling with tears but she controlled them.

"Robert, I need to talk to you"

He couldn't do it. He didn't know what to say but he did know that whatever he'll say will break her heart again and he promised himself he'd never do that again.

"Can it wait? I have a letter to reply to", he said taking his gaze away from her.

"It cannot", Cora replied, sounding determined.

Robert sighed and sat in a position to face. _Don't say anything stupid, Robert._

Cora took a breath and looked at his shoulder. She couldn't make eye contact with him because that way she won't be able to say what she had planned to. His eyes were like an ocean and just by looking at them, she dives in it and she cannot get out so she looked at his shoulder keeping her tears at bay.

"I think I made our morning awkward for you by saying what I felt. I am sorry for that. Not sorry for saying that because it was true but sorry for making it uncomfortable for you"

Robert merely nodded, not wanting to say anything.

"You are unhappy with me. I am not what you want. I've tried and tried to make you happy but it never works. I am a disappointment to you mother and her friends..", Cora continued.

Robert stood up, "No, Cora, don't say-"

Cora didn't hear what he said and continued the speech she had made in her mind, "Nobody really likes me and it wouldn't have mattered if you had been the opposite but you too are burdened with me". Cora looked into his eyes now and didn't care if her tears were obvious. She was saying this, every syllable tearing apart her heart but she needed to say this. "And I don't blame you for that. It's not your fault that you don't love me. I married you because of the title yes, but I chose only you because I fell in love with you. I am in love with you."

Robert face reddened again at her statement but he let her continue. This was one side of Cora he had never seen. This was the first time she had been this open about her feelings.

"..I have kept this bottled in for too long and today when you were with me and then how you kissed me, I knew I couldn't keep it in longer so I said it. It was silly of me, I somehow hoped that you'd say it back but I should've known that it wasn't the case. You love her and she loves you, I forgot that for a moment. I have been noticing this for quite a while now and I have come up to a decision that I think will make your life easier"

Robert only stared at Cora. _Her? Who?_

"I will go to London. You can have her. She makes you happy and that's all I really want, to see you happy. I don't know what will happen to my dowry or how will it affect the estate but we can discuss that later. I will stay tonight for the ball so people don't gossip and then I'll go, don't worry". She finished with a sob.

"Cora, I…I have no idea who she is? Who are you talking about?", Robert replied, his voice full of confusion. She gave him several shocks in a second. _London. Leaving. Estate. Her?_

Cora huffed, "Really, Robert? Please don't act this way"

"I really have no idea!"

"Kara! Kara Dixon!"

Robert's mind was going through a roller coaster ride. He sat down on his chair, he needed a minute to comprehend all this.

Cora noticing the bewildered expressions on his face continued, "She told that you both wanted to marry each other but her money wasn't enough"

Robert looked back up to her, "What? Cora we were twelve years old then!"

"Yes, I understand that but it's obvious she still has feelings for you but more importantly you're happy with her"

Robert stood back up again, his voice louder, "Cora..I never did anything to encourage her…I never thought of it, not since we're married"

Cora stepped a little closer and slightly smiled, "I know you never did anything, I never doubted that. But I have seen you with her. She's clever and I absolutely hate her because she managed to do what I never could; keep you happy"

"Cora I am not unhappy"

"But you're not happy with me either"

"I am not happy because you're not happy"

"I am always happy when you're with me"

"That's the thing, I always spoil that happiness and I hate it! Somehow I always make you sad and I hate that. I don't want to be that kind of a husband"

Cora lowered her eyes and almost whispered, "You don't have to be"

Robert could feel his heart rate increasing and he stepped forward and took her shoulders by his hand, Cora looked back up in his eyes, her tears blurring her vision, "Cora I don't want you to be unhappy. I know I am a hopeless husband and I haven't treated you right and please understand that I don't have anything with Kara, she's just a childhood friend of mine and maybe that's why I get along with her but I never ever thought of her in that way, not since we are married"

Cora smiled a little and touched his cheek, "I know. But she has plans for you, she likes you. Robert I wouldn't have cared a bit if she was just flirting because anyone with eyes would like you but she keeps you happy, that's all I am saying. I am a disappointment to you and your family. Your mother hates me, I am constantly failing at producing an heir, I am alone all the time and then you.." She cupped his face with both of her hands, "You are still so distant, and you don't let me in. I've tried Robert, I really did but I am not what you want. I am making your life harder."

Robert let go of her shoulders and rubbed his temple. His sweet face was deep red now, from anger or from embarrassment, she didn't know. "What about your life, Cora? What do you want?"

Cora smiled at him, the tears at the edge of her eyes running down her cheeks, "You. I want you; I have always wanted you but not like this. I want you happy and in love with me and these two things are not that can be asked for. It doesn't matter what I want"

"Of course it matters!", his voice becoming louder.

"I have told you, Robert, I want you happy, that's it, and from what I have noticed, I only ruin that! I take away your happiness! So I will go, don't worry about the money, we will sort something-"

"You're leaving me for good?", his eyes grew wide.

"No. Not yet. You need time. You need to think about all this and you need to decide what you want but I will go. Staying here won't help matters any further. I will stay at the house in London until you decide. If you want me to come back then I will need you to try. To work on our marriage because I cannot live like this. I can never ask you to love me back, I know you will never love me back but I will need you to try to form a situation bearable for both of us. Otherwise you have an option, you can have her, you need to think about what you want. I came here with the intention to say that I will go for good because I thought you loved her back and would be relieved to see me gone but I see that you are confused so I will stay until you decide"

Robert was numb after this. He didn't know what to say. What can he say? There is this women, who gave her life and love to him along with everything she ever owned and after all this, after all the ways he had treated her, she still loves him and keeps his happiness priority.

"Cora why are you doing this to yourself? I keep you so unhappy and you're still keeping my happiness priority. What is all this?

Cora's face softened a bit and she replied with her sweet, melodious voice, "That's love. I love you, that's it. There's nothing more to it. Now I will leave you to it. I have some last minute things to check for the ball. I have asked Williams to get me a ticket for the 9 o'clock train tomorrow."

With that she left the room, leaving Robert with a mountain of thoughts to go throw.

 _What do I want?_


	10. Chapter 10

Robert paced around the hallway later that evening. He was becoming claustrophobic; his suit and tails were practically suffocating him. He hadn't talk to Cora since morning. He had passed by her many times but she ignored him and if he was honest, he didn't even wanted to be seen by her. He had a little time to think about what Cora had said to him _. Your happiness. Your decision. Your love. Your life._

He felt terribly sad for his wife of six months. She basically gave him the right to decide the rest of her future. _Their_ future. That beautiful goddess gave him her heart and he crushed it. He didn't know what he wanted. He had never thought about Kara that way but since Cora had mentioned, he recalled all the times Kara and him had been together in front of Cora. _How can I be so stupid_? Kara made obvious, fearless moves on him and he didn't think why? Of course Cora would've thought that Kara made him happy since all this had been happening right in front of his eyes. He didn't understand Cora or Kara's feelings _. I am an idiot!_

 _What do I want? Cora? Kara? Who makes me happy?_

Cora had given him the right and this time he will make a right and final decision. He cannot hurt other people anymore just because he was confused. Cora loved him madly and she was beautiful and lovely and charming and innocent and perfect. Oh so so perfect! Kara was his friend who now he recently discovered had feelings for him. He was at ease with her but _WHAT do I want?_

His mind was spinning when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see the women who had been flooding through his mind all evening. His beautiful wife walked down the stairs in the most lovely red gown. Her face glowed but her stunning eyes were sad, he could see the sadness right through them. He winced and moved towards her.

"You look lovely", he started awkwardly.

"Thank you", she almost whispered.

They stared into each other's eyes. All Robert wanted was to see her incredible smile again, it had been so long since he saw it last. Their stare were broken when a women spoke behind him.

"Ah there you are!", it was Kara grinning towards him. She once again completely ignored Cora's presence and Robert realized that she did this every time.

"Where were you? I was so bored there alone", she added.

Robert reddened and hesitated a bit before answering, "I um..that is, I was here", he answered dumbly.

Kara let out a chuckle, "Yes I can see that! So tell me how do I look?", she posed a little for him.

Cora stood there awkwardly and then walked away.

"Robert? Robert?", Kara said gaining his attention back.

"You look very nice Kara, please excuse me for a minute", he said running towards Cora who was almost near the door of the ballroom. He grasped her elbow gently and she turned to face him. He saw fresh tears in her eyes.

"I am sorry about that", Robert said.

"It isn't the first time, it doesn't matter", she said, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"I don't know how I never noticed how awkward it must have been for you, before", he said rubbing his temple.

"It's fine. It doesn't matter anyway", she said looking down.

"Cora please don't say that", he said holding her shoulders.

"No!", she shrugged and he removed his hands, "No, you don't say that! You are not supposed to say that, not right now, Robert. Please, it hurts me so much." Her tears were welling up again. "You need time, okay? You take your time and decide once and for all. I am giving you time, aren't I? Don't move from Kara to me like a ball. But please don't make sudden emotional decisions. I just want you to make one decision, the one that is final and you've thought it through because I cannot go through this again. Make it or break it, it's up to you, but whatever it is, it should be final" she ended with a sob.

Robert only nodded. It pained him to see her like this but he knew that she was right. She was absolutely right. He need to be sure and for that he needed time. Cora wiped her tears and went into the ball room. Robert saw Kara approaching and she took his arm without even his offering.

"Shall we go in?", she said.

Robert started to walk with her without saying a single word.

The waltz started and Kara dragged him to the floor like last time and made him dance the first dance with her and the second. She chatted nonstop and he half listened. His eyes searched for Cora who was dancing with his father and then Lord Spencer. After the second dance ended he excused himself and took a drink. He wanted to dance with Cora now. He was about to move towards her but his mother stopped him and asked him to dance with Lady Charlotte. One by one the song ended and he had danced with almost five ladies. Each time he tried to move towards Cora, some women blocked his way and demanded to be danced with. He did his duty, participated in the small talk but his mind was only saying one thing. _Will I ever get the chance to dance with her?_

Cora excused herself and sat in the corner for a moment to rest her feet. She had seen Robert dance twice with Kara and all the others. She could see he was tense and well he should be. She saw him dancing one by one with almost all the guest ladies. _Will he ever come and ask me to dance?_

The second last dance ended and she saw Robert almost flying towards her. He held out his hand and she hesitated to take it.

"Come on, Cora, please dance with me. Take my hand before my mother instructs me to dance with someone else".

The desperate look in his eyes made her chuckle a little but she hid it and took his hand. They walked to the middle of the floor. The waltz started and started swaying. The song was a slow one, thankfully so they didn't have to move much.

They stared into each other's eyes, both lost in their own thought.

 _If it is our last, then I want to make it a good last._ Cora thought without saying anything.

 _If it is our last, then I want to make it a good last_. Robert thought without saying anything.

They both danced in silence cherishing the time together.

Robert broke the silence, "I thought I'd never get the chance to dance with you tonight", he smiled a little.

Cora only nodded adding to the already present awkwardness. She replied after a while, "Me too. Maybe it is the last time we are together like this so I wanted to, as well"

Robert felt a weird sensation in his heart. He never really thought it that way.

 _Last time ever with Cora?_ His heart quenched at the thought. He can never imagine not looking into her eyes again, not seeing her smile, her melodious laughter. It hurt him painfully.

"Can I come with you to the station tomorrow?"

Cora looked into his eyes, unsure of what to reply. "I don't think-"

"Please Cora.", he stopped her in mid sentence. "I want to. I want to come with you. I never thought it that way and I know I need time to think about what I want and to be sure but I'm very sure that I want to see you off. Please let me, unless it's too difficult for you"

Cora fell silent.

 _Should I? Yes. Maybe it is the last I'll ever see of him._

"Alright!", that's all she replied as the dance ended.

To be honest, Robert wasn't sure if he should see her off. He really wanted to see her one more time if it really was the last time but what if she starts crying? He was hopeless with consoling. He thought about it.

 _Should I? Yes. Maybe it is the last I'll ever see of her._

The carriage ride to the station had been nothing but gone in utter silence. When they arrived he helped her with her luggage. Once everything was in place they looked at each other. Her eyes were so empty. She looked so pale and it hurt him how heartlessly he had destroyed her beauty.

"What are you going to there?", Robert said taking her hand in his and she let him.

She looked at him and the tears she had been hiding ran down swiftly, "I'll think of something. Maybe I will ask Mama to come there and if..", she stopped.

"What?", he said squeezing her hand gently.

Her voice came out shakier than before, "If the decision is the other way around, it'll help the journey back to America easier"

"America? You mean you'll go back?", he said, the grip on her hand tightened.

She looked into his scared eyes, "Obviously. I would have no reason to live here anymore"

It hit him like a tornado. _If she goes to America, that'll be it. That'll be the last of Cora I'll ever see. I will never see her again._

The thought brought tears to his own eyes and he didn't hide them. He took her chin in his fingers and made her tearful eyes look at his own in the similar state.

"I am so sorry for all this. God knows you don't deserve this. You deserve only happiness. You are an angel, Cora, you deserve so much better and I am so terribly sorry for all this", his tears ran down his cheeks and his fingers under her chin trembled.

Cora smiled a little, "It's all done now."

"Cora?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you? I know keeping in mind the state we're in, it's an odd request but I don't want to miss the chance. Take it as an apology kiss"

"Or a goodbye kiss"

His heart ripped up inside. He closed his eyes and they stung.

 _Goodbye kiss._

The words pained him unbearably.

Cora nodded to his question. "You can. Whatever it means"

Robert leaned forward and held her tiny waist. His eyes never leaving hers. He touched his lips to hers and both lightly sighed. He held her tighter and her hand went deep into his hair, they tasted each other's salty tears. The kiss deepened, neither of them wanting to let go. The train whistle blew bringing them back to the present. The broke the kiss and their foreheads met. His eyes still on her waist and her hands on the base of his shoulders.

"I'll miss you, Cora"

"I'll miss you, Robert"

They moved back a bit and he touched her cheek, "Please take care of yourself. I won't leave you hanging for long, I promise"

"I'll wait years, Robert but please just think properly."

The whistle blew again and they knew it was time. "I love you, Robert", she said leaning forward kissing his cloth-covered chest where his heart rested. His eyes welled up again.

 _God knows how much I wish I could say it back._ He thought.

He helped her up the train and waved her as the train took away his angel. Their eyes kept staring at each other and he could see Cora's face flooding with tears. The train faded in the distance and he sat down on a bench nearby. The realization, "Cora is gone", hit him and his heart pained so much that he thought it was some sort of an attack. He walked back to the car and headed back home where the sweetest soul he'd ever known wasn't up waiting for him.

Cora kept staring out the window, replaying the kiss, his tears, his hand on her waist. She gave him the full authority to decide the rest of their life. She loved him too much. She only hoped the decision will be in her favour although she highly doubted it. She crossed her fingers and closed her eyes.

 _God knows how much I wish he would say it back._


	11. Chapter 11

Robert spent the whole day alone in his room using headache as an excuse. His mind was a mess and he needed time to sort it out. He was hating himself, hating to be the reason of Cora's unhappiness. He didn't deserve her even if he didn't love her. She was too good for him. Too perfect.

He spent the whole day thinking, thinking about himself, thinking about his childhood, thinking about Cora, it made his head actually ache. He felt suffocated. He asked for his luncheon and dinner in his room and slept the rest of the time. He woke up sweating a couple of times, there was this uneasiness he couldn't name. He couldn't pinpoint the exact reason but he felt hot and suffocated. He wanted to scream out loud, he felt tired to do anything.

 _Robert, what is wrong with you? You feel so miserable, why is that?_

He woke up some time after the sun had risen. Tossing and turning all night, he didn't sleep well and he somehow felt so moody and pathetic. He went for a shower, he dressed himself, he was in no mood for his valet fussing over him and making small talk. He didn't trust his speaking abilities right now as they've already caused enough damage and his mood right now was not allowing him to talk to anyone. He went outside. The servants were cleaning downstairs and were surprised to see him up this early as no one else in the family or in the guests had woken up.

Carson, the footmen spotted him making his way outside. "Good morning, Lord Downton"

"Morning Carson", he said flatly.

"Is there anything I can fetch you milord?", he asked noticing his dull mood.

"No, thank you, but have all the guests left?"

"Yes, milord. But not all. Lady Dixon is still here but the rest left yesterday when his lordship was unwell"

 _Why is she still here?_

"Oh? Do you know the reason why she has prolonged her visit?",

"She had some business in London in a few days. Lady Rosamund and her husband have left for their Rome trip and as Lady Dixon's new house is being renovated, her ladyship had asked her to stay"

"Oh yes, of course. Thank you Carson"

Carson nodded and left. Robert walked out to the gardens. The fresh morning air made him smile a little as if lifting his suffocation a bit. Kara being here won't help the situation. He knew how opinionated she can be and people always get influenced by her. Even him.

He walked around the gardens for minutes or hours, he didn't know. Finally settling down on the bench near the lake where he had had many moments with both Cora and Kara.

He started thinking again. How beautiful Cora had looked when he first showed her this place. It had been his favorite and as time passed he realized that Cora had come to love it as well. It was their "peaceful place". He knew whenever Cora was sad she came here and cried or thought or fed the swans.

He and Kara had had amazing memories here as children. The used to run around the trees and fed the swans or read books.

He didn't know what he felt for Kara, she was a nice friend but he didn't appreciate her talking to Cora like that. Manipulating her. He knew Kara liked him. He liked her as well, she was a good friend. If he thought logically, everyone at Downton would be happy to accept Kara. His mother would be happy that's for sure, he would have a friend as well but it wasn't about his mother or about the society. It was about him. When he had married Cora, he didn't have much choice. He was ordered to marry a rich girl and he chose the finest of all the options and she had proved wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. He loved talking to her. He could listen to her all day, her accent, the way she pronounced his name, her laugh, her eyes, her smile, her hair, her scent, everything was just wonderful.

 _A dear good friend who I am so at ease with, who maybe understand me better and is favored by my family. Who may not love me as much as Cora but would fit in position of the Countess easily._

 _A selfless goddess who hopelessly loves me and would do anything to keep me happy and loved and who tries so hard to do everything properly._

 _What do I want?_

But no, it was more than just fitting in and forming a bearable marriage. Cora or Kara, he knew that marriage to either of them was a long business. It can't be just about the future Earl and Countess of Grantham. What about when they're old and their children had grown up? They can't sit around playing the Earl and the Countess by themselves. It came down to _love._ Even his mother believed it. His parents' marriage may have been arranged but they were in love too, maybe that's why they worked just as fine as they did. His father's cousin who had the neighboring estate was now old and almost on his death bed. Robert had grown up to admire his uncle and his father because both have been very dedicated earls. But he had seen his uncle's marriage. He had seen them in functions, acting as perfect as any Earl and Countess would act and behave but when it was just family, both his uncle and aunt couldn't bear each other's presence. They were perfect Earl and a Countess but terrible husband and wife. He didn't want that. Robert heard his mother once say to Rosamund "I am not a romantic but even I concede that the heart does not exist solely for the purpose of pumping blood".

It all came down to love. Both Cora and Kara were perfectly suited to be a Countess, both wanted to see Robert happy. _But who am I happy with? Who do I love?_ It all narrowed down to love and he had to decide on the basis of that. He didn't want his marriage to be like his uncle's and aunt's. His mother and father loved each other that's why they have happily spent 25 years together. He wants the same.

His thoughts were interrupted by a feminine voice.

"You're up early", it was Kara smiling towards him. "How are you feeling today?", Kara asked as she sat down with him on the bench.

"I'm fine", he said flatly, looking towards the lake.

"Where did you drop off Cora yesterday? I saw you two going somewhere with luggage but when I asked the butler he said that only you had come back"

Robert felt silent. He really didn't want to discuss this with Kara but considering she was almost the whole reason for Cora leaving, he had to share.

"She went to London"

"Why?"

"She said we needed space and I needed time"

"Whatever for?"

Robert looked at her and replied, "I think you know".

Kara took a minute to analyze and said "Oh. I see"

"She said both you and I had something together"

"Don't we?"

Robert looked at her, slightly shocked at her boldness, "I never said anything to encourage you"

"Oh come on, Robert! I saw how unhappy you were with her-"

"I am not unhappy with her"

"Are you happy with her?"

"I just..Kara she is my wife and she has done so much for me"

"But she is not blind. Of course she saw that there was something between us."

"There is not!"

"Oh pipe down, Robert! We could've been married if I had had the money"

Robert was going insane. He didn't expect Kara to be this bold. Cora had been right, she had plans for him. "But I didn't, I married Cora and she is absolutely wonderful"

Kara rolled her eyes, "Nobody here likes her. I have heard your mother talk to her friends how unsuited your wife is for the Countess"

Robert didn't like what he heard and his reaction was natural, "Neither you nor mother have any right to talk about my wife like that! She is perfectly capable to be the Countess. She loves me too much and I am so lucky to have her"

"But you don't love her"

"I don't know about that, but she is my wife"

"Well, I love you". Kara said flatly. He compared the "I love yous" he had received from both Cora and Kara. The first time with either of them saying it. Cora's voice was so full of emotion and love and sadness and heartbreak and Kara's voice was as plain and emotionless as saying "I am hungry" or "I am going to my room".

"You shouldn't say that", he moved from his place and walked towards the lake, taken aback by her sudden, unexpected words.

"Why shouldn't I?", she followed him, "If she is such a saint then she must have given you an option".

 _Damn, she is a cat!_

"She has", he muttered.

"And have you decided?", Kara's voice was emotionless and now getting angrier.

"No"

"When will you?"

"I don't know!", he was losing his temper now. He faced her and he could see irritation on her face. Cora had been so lovely and so patient and Kara was bold enough to say "I love you" to a married man and bullied him and practically felt her right to receive "I love you too" from him.

"I need time, alright? This is my life. I am not a ball", he suddenly realized he was speaking Cora's words, his heart ached. _I miss her. "_ She went yesterday and I need time. She is wonderful and she deserves all the love in the world"

Kara huffed at him and rolled her eyes. It set Robert's teeth on edge. "Don't tell me you'll take her back!"

Robert was staring wide eyed at her, "Why not? She is my wife and she deserves the love"

"But you don't love her!", she was throwing her hands in the air in frustration, "Look, you and I are good together. You have a chance now. I can keep you happy, we're good friends and we can make this work. I only want to see you happy"

"So does Cora"

"Exactly and well she is failing to do so"

"It's not true!", he lost his temper and was screaming now.

"Oh Robert, what has that women done to you? You know I can keep you happier. I am from your world, she isn't .You have a golden chance now. I didn't have any children and all my husband's money is mine now. I'll give it to you. Give your wife her money back if it's an issue."

"I need time", he replied after a minute. It was too much for him to take in.

"Alright. But don't make me wait too long", she said annoyingly.

Kara said and walked back to the house.

 _I'll wait years._ Cora's sweet, sad voice echoed back to him.

 ** _I hope you all are enjoying this. Please do review and share your thoughts on Kara._**


	12. Chapter 12

Cora sat in the library of the Grantham house, reading a book. It had been over three weeks since she had left Downton. She wanted to be alone but she got more and more depressed. She had several panic attacks and she'd wake up sweating or she'd start crying madly.

 _This is it._

 _He's not coming back._

 _Cora, he doesn't need you._

 _Go back to America!_

These voices were tearing her apart. After two weeks of waiting, she almost gave up. She even started packing to go back to America but she couldn't. She had promised Robert that she would wait for his answer and she will. She was completely sure that he wants Kara but since she had promised to wait for his answer so she will. She sent a letter for her mother, explaining her everything and asking her to accompany her in London. She came only two days ago, she hadn't said anything, thankfully but she helped a lot. Consoling her, talking to her, even sleeping in her room because occasionally Cora woke up crying and he'd hug her and hold her until she went back to sleep.

Martha Levinson entered the small library, "Anything interesting?", she asked as she rung the bell for tea.

"No", Cora replied quietly.

"Cora, why don't we go out tonight? Have dinner somewhere nice", she asked as she sat next to her daughter.

"I am not in the mood, mother", Cora replied still looking at her book but not reading. She had been depressed and quiet ever since she came here. She only went out for a walk, that too on some days. Otherwise she stayed inside the house, doing nothing at all.

Martha placed her hand on Cora's knee which caused Cora to look at her, "Darling you have to move on"

"No. Not until he gives me a proper answer. I promised him"

"Oh Cora, you are too kind. You promised him that and three weeks have gone by and there is no response. What about his promises? Didn't he promise you to love you and take care of you and make you happy?"

"It's not the same, mother"

"It is! Cora you are wasting your time on him. He isn't coming back, my dear"

Cora couldn't hide her tears and they fell shamelessly on her book. She pressed the corner of her dress in an attempt to calm down her anger and sadness. "We don't know that", she replied with a shaky voice, still keeping her gaze at her book.

"Oh Cora. Okay, we will wait one more week and if he still hadn't reply, then we will leave"

"No!", Cora stood up and let her book fall on the floor. "No, mother. I told him, I'd wait years if I have to and I will. I love him mother, so much. And if he doesn't want me, he will come and tell me in person.". Cora was shouting now, not caring if the servants hear.

"Cora why are you doing this to yourself?", Martha stood up, she kept her voice calm but determined, "Why are you wasting your time, locked up in this lonely house, expecting something that is not going to happen? My darling, he has moved on"

 _Moved on._

The words killed her inside and another wave of tears came flooding out. "Because I love him! We don't know what he has or is deciding but I will wait. I will wait until he comes and tell me his decision. It isn't easy for him, mother"

"He only cares about your money", Martha was now throwing her hands in the air.

"Maybe but I will wait. And you shouldn't complain. It was your idea to give away your daughter to any man in England who gave her a title and then leave her with a bunch of strangers. You built its foundation so now please cooperate with me."

With that she stormed out of the library and went to her room. She has never talked to her mother in this way before but she couldn't help it this time. She knew he probably would've moved on but she knew he'd at least come and tell her in person. He was so broken when she left him, he really does care about her so he will tell her. And she'll wait.

 _I won't keep you hanging for long, I promise._

His words echoed back to her. Three weeks had gone by. The pain and wait was becoming unbearable now. But she'd wait. She took out his picture she hid under her pillow. She traced a finger on his handsome face and her heart ached to touch him in real. To look into his blue eyes, to stare at his grin, to caress his cheek, to kiss his lips.

 _Oh Robert!_

With that, another flood of tears came out and she placed his picture close to her heart and cried her heart out. "I love you so much, it hurts. Tell me what you want. Don't leave me hanging please" She whispered to the picture.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been five weeks since Cora left Downton. Robert had had a long time thinking about his feelings and he only came up with one explanation.

 _I shut out my feelings. I have never let my heart win over my head._

His marriage would have been so much better if he was a little considerate towards Cora's feelings. They both knew that it was a cash deal initially but Cora worked tirelessly to make it more than that. To make it a proper marriage. To be husband and wife as well as the Earl and the Countess. But Robert, he never thought like that. He went on thinking that the heart doesn't exist and everything and every decision is only to save the estate.

All this made his head ache and made him feel so miserable that he spent little time thinking of all this. He involved himself in the estate more, he worked till the point of exhaustion and spent little time with Kara because he didn't want to influence his process of decision making.

 _It's about what you want. That's all there is to it._

Cora's words rung back and he was sure that this time he will only do what he wants. Not caring about the estate or the money. It was all what he wanted. Kara went five days after Cora. She tried very much to spend time with Robert but he chose to ignore her. She went back to London to shop for the furniture. She had asked Robert to accompany her but he politely refused. Robert spent weeks working out his mind and working like a machine for the estate. His days went by quickly but at night when he used to lay in his cold, uncomfortable dressing room bed, his thoughts went back to Cora. He wanted to touch her, to hug her. He never slept in the same bed as her but knowing that she was just in the side room made him feel comfortable but now he just felt lonely. He thought about it all again. He was certain about one thing, that he wanted to see Cora happy. He wasn't sure if he would keep her happy but he wanted to see her happy. That's all he had processed because somehow seeing her happy made him happy and he didn't know why. He felt lonely and he missed her terribly. It had been months since he had seen her terrific smile. He wanted that.

As for Kara, he really didn't know. She had been patient, well to some extent anyway but he didn't blame her for her frustration. He was taking too long to decide. In truth, she was getting to his nerves but he understood that it was acceptable. She was nice to his parents and fit in well. She was a nice company too but her smile and her happiness didn't thrill him as Cora's.

He had been a mess al this time. He didn't talk to anyone. He never went out to any dinner or party invitations. He spoke a little more than "Good morning" or "I am going to my room", he spent all his time working or thinking and thinking made him immensely sad and he sometimes noticed tears in his eyes to his surprise. He was…depressed. Yes, that's the word. Depressed, confused and lonely. He closed his eyes in his cold bed and thought of better times. He thought of his childhood, his days at Eton, his excellent shooting skills but then he thought of his happiest memory and he closed his eyes, half asleep and dreamt of Cora; his happy place.

Kara had returned to Downton two days ago. Once again Patrick Crawley saw his son ignoring her and almost everyone. The young man looked ten years his age. He felt sad for his boy. He was of immense help for the estate but was helpless for himself. After another, usual dinner with Violet chatting about some Lady Maria and Kara telling about her new house with Robert merely nodding and speaking as little as "Yes" "No", "Thank you", Lord Grantham thought it was time to take matters into his hands. His son was becoming a wreck and he needed help. He was confused and was extremely depressed. Lord Grantham kept quiet all this time, he wanted the young couple to sort out their differences on their own but now the matters were far serious and were put on hold for too long. After the ladies retired to their bedroom, Lord Grantham entered the drawing room to see his son staring out the window with a glass in hand looking like a sad poet. He sighed and closed the door.

"Pour me a glass, will you, son?", he said sitting down on one of the sofas.

Robert only realizing his presence nodded and poured and handed his father a glass.

"Robert, sit down, I need to talk to you", he said, placing his elbows on his knees and staring at his son.

"Oh, is this about the new farm on the south side? I wanted to have a look today but I lost track of time", he said sitting down next to his father.

"No, it isn't and don't think about that now"

"Oh?"

"What are you planning to do?"

"With what, Papa?"

Lord Grantham sighed and placed one hand on his son's knee, "With your life. Have you made a decision?"

Robert sighed staring at the shiny liquid in his glass, "Almost. Not quite"

"Will you tell me?"

Robert sighed and placed his glass at the table besides him and replied, "I want Cora happy but I am not sure I can keep her happy"

"So, Kara is officially out the list?"

"No. Well, I mean if I divorce Cora then I'd have to marry someone for the money and the best choice is Kara"

"You're repeating all that again"

"What?"

His father placed a hand on his son's back, "A year ago, you didn't have a choice and you married for money and now that you have a choice, you're doing the same thing"

"But Papa, what am I to do? I want Cora to be happy, I really do, I don't deserve her". There were tears gathering at the edge of his eyes. Just the name Cora made his heart ache for her.

"Alright, tell me one thing, who is Cora happy with?"

"She said she is happy with me", Robert whispered and stared at his intertwined hands feeling like a schoolboy.

"So, what's the problem?"

"Papa, she is happy with me because she loves me but I can't trust myself to keep her happy, I've already broken her heart terribly", he said as he stood up and walked towards the window.

"Why can't you, when you care so much about her?", his father mimicked his action and stood up and walked towards his son.

"Because she loves me and I don't".

He noticed his father grinning and patting his back. He didn't understand why he did. He stared at his father's expressions in confusion, "Don't you?", his father said.

"Well..I mean, I care for her deeply, I'd do anything for her-"

"And that is?", his father's grin was constant.

"What are you saying Papa?", he asked, slightly annoyed at his father's unexpected reactions.

"You love her, Robert"

Robert's face turned deep pink and his eyes stared at his father's face in utter shock.

 _I what?_

Patrick couldn't hide his laugh as he saw the hilarious reaction on his son's face. "Robert it isn't such a revelation"

"But..Papa, I mean how can I..what I mean is, I never-"

His father cut him and patted his back again, "My dear boy, you have been in love with that sweet girl for months now. I was waiting for you to realize it yourself but by now I thought you did need a brain booster"

Robert felt his legs shaking. His father was telling him something about him that he never understood, but how can he not? He would've known right?

"But Papa, how can you be sure, how come I don't know that I share the same feelings for her"

His father smiled a sad smile and looked out the window, "It's partly our fault. We persuaded you to marry someone rich and I think we bullied you into thinking that Downton is all that matters. But it isn't everything, son. You were brought up in a way where the heart and it's feelings valued very little in comparison to money and mind. We forced you into this and you kept going along as your marriage is nothing but a cash deal. But I saw the eyes of that sweet girl, how she used to look at you. Poor Cora, she tried so much which is why I don't blame her at all for leaving, it would be unbearable to live among people who don't truly accept her"

Robert was reminded once again of how bad he had been as a husband and he looked down at his shoes in embarrassment. "But?", he said in a whisper like voice.

"But", his father moved his arm and made him look at him "I also saw you. When that girl walked the aisle, I saw the light in your eyes, how you had the urge to keep her safe all the time, how you blushed whenever she walked down in a new dress. You've loved her for so long, without even knowing"

Robert felt his collar damp with sweat, his heart was accelerating, "But Papa how can I not know?", his line came out in phrases, just his father's words exhausted him mentally.

"Because, you've underestimated your feelings. You placed a filter on your heart, you never believed that love existed, I don't blame you, because you haven't seen any real life example yourself. You never let this feeling in, you never even thought about being in love."

"How do you know all this, Papa", he asked.

"Because I am in love with your mother"

He got extremely embarrassed at his father's statement. His father never talked about love but he asked one question which he'd been asking himself for weeks now. He looked out the window and spoke, "How do you know when you're in love?"

"You know you're in love when the other's person happiness means the world to you, that you'd do anything to see them smile, that their happiness comes before your owns. You talk to them for hours and never get bored. Just the thought of losing them cracks your heart"

Robert breathed in the breath he had been holding.

 ** _"You know you're in love when the other's person happiness means the world to you, that you'd do anything to see them smile, that their happiness comes before your owns."_**

 _Cora's happiness means the world to me. I want her but I don't trust myself to keep her happy. I love her smile, oh how my heart aches to see her smile. Her beautiful smile. My heart swells up when I hear her laugh, it is such a melodious sound._

 ** _" You talk to them for hours and never get bored. Just the thought of losing them cracks your heart_** _"_

 _I love talking to her. I love when she talks about her childhood and her birthdays in America. I love knowing her. The realization, "Cora is gone", hit me and my heart pained so much that I thought it was some sort of an attack._

Robert closed his eyes and thought of his worst memory. He thought about when he fell from a horse at age fifteen, he thought about when he didn't perform well in a very important exam, his thoughts went to the time when his grandpapa died. But when he thought of his worst memory, a voice inside whispered, _When Cora left you._

"Oh my God!" Robert exclaimed burying his face in his hands. "Oh my God, Papa! Oh god!" His face was deep red when the everything sort itself in order with a loud thud! The puzzle he'd been trying to solve for months just solved itself. His eyes were wide at the thought.

Patrick got a bit concerned at his son's sudden outburst, "Robert, are you-"

"Papa!" Robert shook his father shoulders, "Papa. I-"

"What?!", Patrick was panicking now,

"I love her!", the words felt so foreign on his tongue but it somehow sooth his whole body, his mind, his heart, everything.

Patrick grinned at his son's innocent reaction.

"Papa, I love her. I love Cora, I've been in love with her for so long and I didn't even..Oh God, Papa, I LOVE HER!"

Patrick was now laughing openly. "Finally! Young man, you took your time"

"I am such a fool. I was afraid of my own feelings. I never thought it was possible but it is and I love her, I love Cora so much", he was crying tears of joy and regret now, that he took so long to understand them.

 _Idiot. You're such a fool._

Their happiness was disturbed by a turn of the door knob. Kara entered the drawing room and got a little surprised at how Robert was shaking his father's arms. "Oh I'm sorry", she said grinning.

Robert and Patrick both stopped smiling and Patrick coughed, "I'll leave you to it. I think you both have some talking to do." He patted his son's shoulder and went out the room.

"What was that about?", Kara asked.

"Oh that, never mind. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I think I left my bag here", she spotted the small bag on one of the sofas and picked it up.

"Anyways what is the happy occasion?", she inquired.

"Oh, I have made the decision"

Kara grinned and walked closer to Robert, "Oh finally", she exclaimed, "I thought you'd never come around"

Robert didn't understand the reason for her happiness. Naturally she should be nervous but she seemed so sure that the decision was in her favour, as always.

"Kara, please sit down"

"Oh yes", she said, happily, "We have a lot of talking to do"

Robert sat on the opposite sofa and started, "Why are you so happy, Kara?"

"Isn't it obvious?", she chuckled.

"What if the decision wasn't in your favour?" he asked nervously.

Kara let out a loud chuckle, "But of course it is", then she noted the look on Robert's face, "Isn't it?", she asked now panicking.

"Kara, I.."

"What?!", she was shouting now.

"I love Cora"

Kara stared at him with wide eyes. _No, no no! That was not supposed to happen. That wasn't in my plan._

"Robert, this isn't time for jokes"

"It isn't a joke"

"How can you suddenly love that American?!", she stood up now.

"Kara it isn't sudden, I've loved her for a long time now, I just now realized", he kept his voice calm, "I know this is very devastating for you"

"You bet it is! You don't love her!", she was throwing her hands in air, her eyes blurring her vision with tears.

"I do, very very much. I am so sorry, Kara", he stood up now.

"No, but you can't. This isn't right. You were supposed to chose me and marry me and divorce that girl. We were supposed to have two children, first a boy and then a girl. His name would've been George"

Robert was now surprised at her plans. Was she insane? He thought. She'd made all these plans with a married man. Kara was now walking fastly and rubbing her temple.

 _This isn't right. He had to choose me._

"Kara I am so sorry, you're a wonderful girl and I am sure you'll get a wonderful man one day and-"

"Oh cut the crap, Robert!"

Robert was stunned at her outburst. "Look Kara, I know you are devastated but you have no right to speak to me that way. It is my life and I have made my choice and my choice is Cora!"

Kara was shocked at his temper but then said, "I am sorry. Of course it is your life", she said innocently.

"Look I am truly sorry"

"I know", she placed a hand on his arm and smiled. "I wish you all the best", she kissed his cheek. "Good night and congratulations", she said as she went out the door.

Kara entered her room and slammed the door, she threw her purse on the wall and slipped down the door's surface and cried. She was broken, he broke her heart. He made her wait unfairly when the choice was obvious and she had waited and now he is leaving her. This isn't right and this isn't fair.

 _That is not what I had planned. He is mine. That American is nothing compared to me. I will get him. This is not over_.

She stood up and scribbled something on a piece of paper. She wiped her eyes and called out the footmen to send this urgent telegram. She smiled at the thought and said. _This isn't over. I will win. I always win._

 ** _Praise the Lord, FINALLY ROBERT! Sorry this chapter is so long. What is Kara up to? Who knows, you just have to wait. :) Please leave a review._**


	14. Chapter 14

**_WALKS BY THE STATION. SIX THIRTY._**

Kara smiled at the piece of paper clutching in her hand. Lucky for her, Robert was taking the train in the afternoon. She visualized the scene in her mind and grinned.

"Poor, poor American"

She walked down the staircase and saw Robert talking to a footmen. She didn't know his name, Carson? Carter? She didn't know, she didn't care but she will have to, and that too soon. After all this will be her home one day.

Robert was busy talking to Carson, he was already annoyed by the fact that he had a meeting to attend with his father after luncheon and only then he'll be allowed to get back to the love of his life. _His Cora,_ his whole heart. Just the thought ached his heart and he wanted to fly to London and take her in his arms.

"Milord?", Carson asked, a bit concerned. The young Lord Downton had been acting strange since last night. He was fond of him and his wife but wasn't sure if the sweet Lady will be back or not. Would be a pity, the downstairs servants all adored the foreign yet very kind and charming Lady Downton.

"Oh, yes, sorry Carson, I'm a bit occupied", he rubbed his temple, "Please get me a ticket to London this afternoon"

"Very well, milord", Carson nodded and was about to walk away when a feminine voice stopped him.

"Make that two", Kara said happily when the two men moved to look at her.

"What?" Robert asked.

"I've decided to go back as well. Carson please bring two tickets"

Carson nodded and walked away. He didn't like Lady Kara. He had noticed the tension between the young married couple since the day she arrived in Downton. He didn't like the direction this all was taking. He liked things well done and proper but of course he never said or discussed this with anyone, it was against his rules but still in heart he knew that Lady Dixon is the reason, the wonderful Lady Downton departed almost 6 weeks ago.

"Oh?", Robert said. He wasn't thrilled that Kara will be travelling with him.

"Yes, I have no reason to stay and my house is almost done so I'll go and get settled"

"Oh, alright" , he said, his disappointment obvious. He really wanted to travel alone with only Cora on his mind.

"Is it?", Kara asked. Why did he have to be so rude? But she would fix him, she would train him properly, he loves her after all.

Robert noticed her questioning tone and coughed and brought his mind back to present, "Yes", he said, faking a smile, "Of course it is"

"Good then"

"Yes. Now I must go, I have a meeting to attend. Good day, Kara" and he walked away.

* * *

Cora Crawley sipped her coffee silently in her bedroom when her mother barged in.

"Oh, Good morning, Mama", she said with a smile but the annoyed look on her mother's face was obvious and that it wasn't really a good morning.

"I've had a letter from Harold", Martha said flatly.

"Oh? How is he?", Cora replied, placing her cup back on her tray.

"Not too good", Martha sighed and sat on the edge of her daughter's bed. "He was out with his friends a couple of days ago and they drank a little too much. One of his silly friends decided to "take a spin" in one of the cars he had bought. Obviously it wasn't a good idea and they hit a homeless old man with a car"

"Oh God!"

"Yes, exactly and now he and his friends are being called to the police station almost daily and your father and your stupid brother are really upset", Martha was really worried and it was obvious on her face which was unusual for Cora to see.

"Oh, poor Papa. But Mama how is that poor old man?", Cora asked concerned.

Martha sighed and sat properly on the bed, "Fine. Not fine obviously, but he broke a bone or two and he went to the police. But that's the thing, he broke his arm and he was a laborer and according to the doctor, the poor man cannot work for at least a month and of course Harold being the reason that the poor man has been deprived of his one month wages is now suffering several issues with the police"

Cora nodded. She was very angry at her foolish brother and she felt terrible for the man and his family. "So what will happen now?"

"I don't know but your father is really upset and you know it isn't good for his health"

Cora nodded again, she knew where this conversation was going.

"Cora, darling", Martha took her daughter's hand and gave her a sad smile, "You have to decide quickly"

"Mama, I-"

"Cora, I know you are in a very difficult situation honey but think about it, he hasn't contacted you in over a month and your father and your brother need me and I really don't want to leave you like this so please for my sake, decide quickly"

Cora fought back her tears but she understood. Her mother was right, it had been too long and it wasn't helping anyone. "I will", Cora said and looked back into her cup, "Just a little more time, mother, I promise"

Martha kissed the back of her daughter's hand, "So what have you got planned for today?"

"Nothing much but I will go for a walk in the afternoon, it's a lovely day"

Exactly at 6.30PM, the train stopped at London's station and let out a loud howling voice. Robert couldn't stop grinning. The train ride to London hadn't been bad; Kara understood his need to be quiet and respected it. They did talk a little about their future plans but not much.

Robert jumped off the seat and gave Kara his hand so she can walk down. Robert was as happy as a boy on Christmas, his grin was obvious and it made his jaw ache but he didn't care.

Kara laughed at him and he laughed back, "Hahaaa, I am really sorry Kara, I am just so excited!"

Kara laughed back and put her hand on the crook of his arm , "So I can see" and they both laughed again with their mouths open. It wasn't proper of course but he didn't care.

"So what are you planning to do now?", Kara asked as they started walking out the station.

"Go to Cora, of course", Robert stated the obvious with even a more obvious enthusiasm.

"Like this?", Kara asked and stopped walking.

"What do you mean?", Robert stopped as well.

"Oh Robert", she patted his cheek, "You have no idea how to surprise a women", Kara said.

"What?"

Kara sighed and continued, "Now if I was Cora, I would've liked you to come to my house, all fresh and smiling. I would've liked a present with it"

Robert was confused, "Oh, I cannot wait for that. I just want to go to her"

"Robert, come on! You can't go like this; you look a little less like death. Go to a hotel, have some rest, go buy a gorgeous present for her and meet her tomorrow"

"I can't wait another day!"

"It's not a whole day, Robert"

"Cora doesn't care about such things"

"Every girl cares about such things, trust me"

Robert was confused now, he really wanted to surprise Cora and certainly didn't want to appear 'a little less like death' but how could he wait till tomorrow? He would burst!

"Robert?", Kara placed a hand on his arm and shook him.

"Hm?", he said, half listening.

"You've waited all this time, you can wait another day"

"But-"

"No buts!"

"Come on, let's get a taxi and I can advice you on the choice of gifts.

Robert smiled at her. She was being very kind and considerate which he didn't expect her to. "Okay", he said and Kara smiled back and they walked towards the taxi.

* * *

Cora walked out her door with a plan for a leisurely walk outside. The walks helped her a lot, they refreshed her and she had a lot of time to think. She took her usual path, smiling at the clear sky and the light, welcoming wind. Her mother had been right; she needed to make a decision and that too very soon. She just wished Robert would make his mind; she didn't want to leave him without a proper answer.

 _Maybe I'll send a letter._ She thought, but no, she couldn't. She didn't want to interfere. She was sure he was going through the same misery and she didn't want to add to it. But a bit more than a week and she knew her mother would lose patience and go back but Cora didn't want to be alone so she will have to decide. Either she'll go back to Downton or back to America.

She missed Robert terribly, so terribly that her heart broke at the thought. All she wanted was to see him and hold him in her arms and look into his eyes till she dies. Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud howl of the train. She slowed her walk and observed the scene. The train stopped and the door opened. And just then her breath caught up in her throat. The man who had been flooding her heart and mind stepped out of the train.

 _Oh, God. He is here!_

He was smiling. Oh God, he was smiling! Maybe..just maybe _. Maybe he chose me._

The thought gave her goose bumps and shivers travelled up and down her spine. The tears of joy started rolling down her cheeks and she resisted the urge to run to him and hug him. She smiled and wiped away her tears just as Robert offered someone a hand to get off the train. He was still smiling as the women stepped down the train.

 _Kara._

Cora felt a swift kick to her stomach as she saw her husband and that women laughing together. He held her hand and they were laughing. Why were they laughing? And at whom?

 _You._

The inner voice spoke again and Cora visibly saw her world crashing down. They walked and they smiled. Kara turned to him and said something and Robert replied. He seemed a bit occupied and just then Kara placed her hand on his cheek and gave him a smile which rewarded her with a smile from Robert. The smile that was meant for Cora. Kara made him smile, made him happy. They talked a bit more and Robert smiled again and then so did Kara as they walked together, arm in arm towards the taxi and vanished in the opposite direction from the Grantham House.

So this was it. He made the decision and from the look of it, he had made the decision from a very long time.

 _He chose Kara. Obviously._

The city buzz around Cora suffocated her. She felt claustrophobic. She felt as if someone has tied a rope around her throat. She spent her nights in misery, spent them crying and screaming and with nightmares. She had woken up sweating and screaming. But she waited. She waited for his answer, she refused and talked badly to her mother, she argued with her but she had waited. Six bloody weeks! Just because she thought that it was hard on Robert, she thought he was as miserable as her, that he was also going through a major dilemma but no, he was on the brink of heaven. He must have spent six glorious weeks with Kara, talking about their future, laughing at Cora and what a foolish American she was. Cora was in agony, she was in so much pain but she kept Robert's feelings priority when his decision was obvious. Her conscience told her to go back to America and that the wait was only a waste of time, that she needed to move on but she didn't. She waited.

And now she stood in the middle of a footpath, feeling as if someone was constantly putting knives in her back. The world around her spinned and she felt numb. She took a breath, but her whole being ached. And she ran. Ran a fast as she could, back to the house. She can't bear any longer. Not anymore. Enough is enough. She ran and ran and almost hit the footmen who opened the door.

She ran into the drawing room.

Martha was busy embroidering when her daughter ran into the drawing room with swollen eyes. She was shaken and was shivering. Martha dropped her work and ran towards Cora and shook her by her shoulders.

"What happened?", she asked.

"I-", Cora managed to say.

"Tell me"

"Mother, I want to go back to America"

Martha stared her wide eyed as her hands left Cora's shoulders.

"What"

"Yes", Cora was looking half insane. Her eyes were wide and were staring down on the floor and she breathed heavily. "As soon as possible"

"But Cora, the earliest ship leaves tomorrow and the next one is three days after it"

"No! Tomorrow. I want to go back tomorrow. I can't stay here", she begged her mother and took her hands.

Martha had never seen her wonderful daughter in such a bizarre state. Her heart ached for her as she silently cursed the Crawley's. "Alright. Tomorrow"

* * *

Kara was resting on her hotel room bed when someone knocked her door. It can't be Robert, she knew he would be sleeping by now; dreaming of that silly American. She walked to the door and opened it.

"Yes?"

One of the hotel staff presented her a telegram, "This came for you miss"

"Thank you", she took the telegram and closed the door. She tore up the delicate packaging and read the two words and smiled a big smile.

 ** _SHE SAW._**

* * *

 _A/N: Yes, I hate Kara as well. I am sorry for so much sadness and I have two ideas of how to end the story; one happy and one sad. But you have to wait for it but I can promise you one thing; Robert will see the true side of Kara very soon, the rest is mystery to you and me. Please do review. :)_


	15. Chapter 15

Robert woke up as the early rays of sunshine peeked through his room's window. His eyes fluttered and he yawned lightly and stretched his body. His eyes adjusted to the light and he smiled, "Cora". He said softly as he blushed lightly, he was over the moon just thinking that in a few hours he will take her in his arms. He showered and ordered for breakfast. He was in no mood to talk to anyone; he just wanted to focus on his plan for the day. After his breakfast he went outside the hotel for a stroll in the park, knowing that the shops won't be opened right now. He walked along the footpath and observed the surroundings, a habit he had got from Cora. She had a way of seeing beauty in everything. It was like a scene from a novel; the birds chirping, the light breeze messing his hair, toddlers running around the park and few couples picnicking along the lake. It was all so beautiful, so peaceful. He had been grinning since the second he woke up, just visualizing the scene where he would see Cora after such a long time and tell her how much he loves her. Killing time, he kept walking until the clock struck 11AM and he knew the jewelers' would be open. He walked the distance and was glad to see the shop open. He wanted to purchase a diamond ring for Cora; the most stunning and the most beautiful available. He wanted to renew their wedding vows and this time , be a proper husband, the kind that his darling Cora deserved. His eyes set on the most shining and the most stunning diamond, outshining the rest of all. He smiled and imagined it on Cora's soft, slender fingers; it was perfect. He purchased it and made the jeweler pack it in a maroon ring box. Taking the ring and the thoughts of Cora, he exited the shop. He rushed back to the hotel and changed his clothes, which took him quite a long time because he didn't bring his valet to London. Cursing the numerous buttons, he finally looked in the mirror. He wore a blue shirt, the one that Cora loved on him, in her words it "make your eyes brighter". Pleased with himself, he put the ring in his pocket and called for a carriage. He was glad that he didn't see Kara all day, she had been nice but he really wasn't in the mood of talking to anyone except Cora.

As the carriage neared the Grantham House, he felt goose bumps; his heart rate accelerated. The rush of excitement and nervousness filled his nerves and he took long deep breaths. He was sure that Cora would be having luncheon or might have finished it by now. He didn't know if she was alone or there was someone to accompany her. He felt terribly sad for the poor, sweet soul who would've suffered so much till now. He didn't understood the feelings, didn't quite grasp their actual consequences before but now he did. The strong feeling they called love was like a drug; a strong, life-long drug which can take you to extremes, you go mad and insane but you love being in love. His thoughts were interrupted as the carriage stopped outside the Grantham House.

 _Nearly there._ He thought.

 _You can do this, you can say it._

He readjusted his tie and stepped outside the carriage. He knocked on the door as his heart started racing madly. He took long deep breaths again to calm himself down. The door finally opened and revealed the footmen, Jason.

Jason was surprised to see his Lordship there, he wasn't expecting him to come. "Oh Milord! I didn't know you were coming"

Robert entered the house and gave him his hat and gloves, "No, I wanted to surprise her ladyship". He peeked around the house, noticing any sign of Cora. There were no noises which was a bit strange. He turned to look at Jason who looked like a confused bunny. Robert resisted the urge to chuckle at his hilarious expressions.

"But, milord-"

"Where is her ladyship?"

"She and went back after breakfast milord"

 _Oh so mother-in-law was here. Good. But wait, went back? Where?!_

"Went back? Where?", he spoke out his thoughts. He was starting to get nervous.

"Back home, milord", Jason spoke nervously.

Robert huffed and rubbed his temple, "My dear chap, you will have to do better than that. Home? Which home?", Robert was getting impatient now.

"They didn't say milord. Mrs. Levinson only said that they're going back home and took all the luggage" and then suddenly Jason remembered, "Oh and milord", he walked towards the table and took the envelope in his hand, "Her ladyship left this for you. She asked me to give it to you if you come"

Robert rolled his eyes and took the letter from the footmen. He sat down on a sofa and ripped open the envelope.

Cora's perfect handwriting was spread throughout the page. He was extremely confused now.

 _What is going on?_ He thought.

He finally started reading the letter.

 _Dear Robert,_

 _I have no idea why I am leaving you this letter but I felt rather strange going without an explanation as that was what we had originally planned. I see that you have made your decision. I am not surprised as I was almost sure that this will happen eventually, I just wish you'd told me in person. I won't lie to you, it did hurt me badly. Mother was here and she had been telling me to go back for weeks now but I refused her, I told her that I had promised you that I'd wait for your answer but I should've known that it wasn't needed. I still wouldn't have left but I saw you and Kara yesterday outside the train station, you were very happy, you both were which I am very glad of as that was what I always wanted. Your happiness. I am sorry for leaving you like this, without a proper, final goodbye but I must confess that it was too hard, even when I knew this was going to happen. I was waiting for you to tell me first, but you didn't and it's alright, I am going out of your way. I am sad that I didn't get to meet you one final time, as I believe that would've been the last time we saw each other. I would've congratulated and wished you in person but nevertheless; I wish you all the best. To you and to Kara, I hope she realize how lucky she is to have you and your love. I wish you both all the very best for the future._

 _And Robert, please do me a favour, I don't know what will happen to my dowry and frankly I don't even care, as this money have nothing but brought misery to me, so please do not involve me in the decision making. Please seek my father for its settlement and of the divorce, I will sign any paper without any trouble._

 _Please take care of yourself, stay happy. I only want your happiness and now I see that you've finally found it. It's odd for me to say this but know that I love you, I'll always love you and always pray for you. I have experienced real love and I hope you do too, as no matter what the consequences; it is the most incredible and the most magical feeling ever._

 _I love you very much, I hope you don't forget me as I will never ever forget you._

 _All the best,_

 _Cora._

The world around Robert had stopped, his heart had stopped, his breathing had stopped. It was like he was in a frenzy mood. He reread the letter, three times, unaware of his tears smudging her delicate, painful words.

 _What have I done._

Robert placed the letter aside and buried his head in his hands. His whole world flipped upside down in a course of a day. This was unbearable. He felt so numb, so invisible. He now understood what his sweet darling must've gone through all these weeks. Oh, how badly she would've been hurt when she saw him and Kara on the train station. He recalled the conversation with Kara; they had been laughing and she patted his cheek, they walked out arm in arm towards the taxi, it would've seen so obvious to Cora that Kara was his choice. He cursed himself, cursed the damn train ride. He hurt Cora again, and this time, it seemed irreparable. How Cora must have felt? That he kept her waiting all these weeks without any contact and then she witnessed them laughing and walking arm in arm. She must have felt so betrayed, that he didn't even bother to tell his decision to her, that he had planned to leave her unanswered for the rest of her life, leaving her in misery, leaving her to be lonely. Robert sobbed and shook violently.

"I messed up everything!", he said in phrases between his sobs. He didn't care if Jason was watching him. He should know as well what a pathetic mess his lordship was.

Jason stood there in awkwardness, watching Lord Downton crying like a baby. He didn't know what to do, so he ran to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. He gave the glass to Robert.

"Milord, have some water"

Robert pushed the glass away like a kid throwing a tantrum. Jason could see something was very wrong. He should've known, thing seemed out of place since her ladyship almost knocked him down yesterday when she came back home.

Robert finally had the courage to speak, "Jason, did you notice something odd with her ladyship yesterday?"

"Yes, milord.", Jason replied hesitatingly.

Robert focused his entire attention to Jason now and stared at him eagerly for him to speak more. "Yesterday, around half an hour before the dinner dressing gong, her ladyship went out for a walk. She usually does every day. She came back within fifteen minutes and when I opened the door, she seemed..", Jason was feeling extremely nervous and awkward.

"Yes? She seemed what?", Robert asked impatiently.

"She seemed much shaken, milord. She was crying and shivering and when I opened the door, she rushed past me and I almost fell down. She went to see her mother in the drawing room and all I heard was that she wanted to go back home as soon as possible"

Robert felt his heart sliced in two. Her poor darling wife had been hurt so badly. And it was all because of him. He cursed himself silently as he nodded.

"Did they leave with everything they brought?"

"Yes, milord"

Robert nodded and stepped outside the house. He walked around the streets. He felt so broken, so embarrassed, so ashamed. He had lost Cora, he had broken her heart so mercilessly. He needed to talk to Cora, he will have to explain, but how? How will he do that? What will he say? He needed to talk to someone before he talked to Cora. But who?

 _Papa?_ No, he can't wait to go back to Downton, he might burst in the process.

Then who? _Kara._

Yes, Kara. She had been understanding and she was a women, so she might know well. He rushed back to the carriage and scared the man half the death to go faster. When he reached the hotel, he rushed towards Kara's room. He knocked twice and no one answered. So he turned the doorknob and entered an empty room.

"Kara?", he called but no one answered.

The voice of the water faucet was coming from the bathroom so she must be in it. Frustrated he sat on a sofa and punched the side hard. The forced cause a bag next to him to fly high and drop on the floor.

"Bloody hell!", he said as he started collecting the things scattered on the floor, out of the bag. He shoved in some strange bottles and caps but he was familiar with a few as some same one's had been on Cora's dressing table. He finally scooped in everything except two crumbled balls of paper. It was strange because if they weren't needed then why put them in the bag.

He was confused between opening them or putting them back in the bag. The curiosity won as he uncrumbled the balls of paper. They were telegrams.

 ** _WALKS BY THE STATION. SIX THIRTY._**

 ** _SHE SAW._**


	16. Chapter 16

Robert stared at the telegrams. They were odd, quick, precise, to the point but mainly odd. Why would Kara receive such strange telegrams? And then why would she not throw them? Why hide them in her bag?

 _SHE SAW._

Who saw? She who? He looked at the date at the bottom. They were received yesterday. Robert grabbed the two papers, placed the bag back on the sofa and exited the room. He walked around the corridor. He felt extremely uncomfortable with the messages on the telegram. He knew that Kara was driven, he always knew. Always wanting the best and always getting the best, she used to throw tantrums when she was younger but in the end did have whatever she wanted. Robert didn't know why he was thinking of such things but his mind raced. He ran a hand through his hair, his nervous habit. Kara was definitely keeping an eye on someone and she had hired someone to keep an eye on a women. This was quite extreme, strange and risky. Did she want something again and is going extreme with achieving it? Kara's apparent process of achieving gave him shivers. This thing was dangerous.

 _Okay. No need to get worried. Think about it. Put everything into place._

Robert sat down on one of the chairs and started thinking.

 _Where was she yesterday? With me._

 _ME. Something to do with me._

Robert wasn't liking where his thoughts were heading. He took out the telegrams again.

 ** _WALKS BY THE STATION. SIX THIRTY._**

 _Our train arrived at six thirty. Someone was walking there._

 ** _SHE SAW._**

 _Some women, who saw us._

 _Cora saw us._

Robert gasped loudly at the realization.

 _Oh My God!_

Robert had never felt such a fool as he felt at that moment. Kara set this up. She purposely came with him and engaged him into talking and laughing and he did. He did laugh and talk like a blind fool. She touched his cheek that too must have been on purpose. She planned this; she set the time when she knew Cora would be able to see. She fooled him, she talked about all that nonsense of how to surprise a women and he fell for it, fell for all the things she said. He as being the usual idiot, waited a day, to do what? Freshen up? Buy a gift? As if Cora could care less about the color of his shirt or his unpolished boots at that moment. But he didn't think that, did he? He did not. He waited a day and now Cora is gone.

Robert could feel his temper rising. He can't believe he fell for the fact that Kara had given up and is just being supportive and nice. Who was he kidding? This is Kara, and she never gives up. She's played with him and now it's his turn. He won't confront her right away, she'll find an excuse and he didn't trust his brain because he might fall for her explanations anyway. He will make her say it.

Robert stood up, folded the telegrams and put them in his pocket as he walked towards Kara's room.

He knocked on the door, "Kara? It's Robert"

Within half a minute, Kara opened the door and smiled, "Oh, Robert. Come in"

Robert did as she asked and walked towards the window. Just the sight of her smiling at his idiocy made him stomach swirl.

"So how is Cora?", Kara asked.

Robert could hear her laugh inside. Laughing at his failure, laughing at Cora's heart break, celebrating her accomplished mission.

"She left", he said, still staring out the window.

"What? Where?", she replied, faking her shock.

"She went back to America", he said, finally tilting.

"But I don't understand, didn't she promise she'd wait for you?"

"She did but she left"

"Oh Robert, I am so sorry", Kara said, taking a step towards him.

Robert sighed and sat down on a sofa and buried his head in his hands. Kara sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders. Robert wanted to jerk away her hands but he had to control himself from raising his temper.

"What will you do now?" Kara asked still rubbing his shoulders, her hand travelling the length of his arms.

"I'll go to America", he said, raising his head to face her.

Kara stopped rubbing his arms _. What?_

"What?", Kara spoke out her thoughts.

"I will, yes. I'll go after her"

Kara stood up; her temper was rising, which was exactly what Robert wanted. "Are you insane? Why would you do that?", she asked, her voice becoming desperate.

"Because she is my wife and I love her"

"Oh for God's sakes Robert, she doesn't love you. She does not want you", she said throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

 _This isn't right! He must be mad. He should feel lonely and betrayed and he's going after that American. He must feel that she has ditched him, why does he still thinks he love her? He doesn't understand. He loves me!_

"How can you say that?", Robert stood up as well.

"Well she left you, didn't she?", Kara said rubbing her temple.

"And I need to know why", he said, keeping his voice firm.

Kara walked across and drained down a glass on scotch. This all nonsense was giving her a headache. She had thought this through, Robert should feel helpless and then she would console him and then he would finally admit that he loves her. What is he doing? This wasn't in her plan.

"Why? You need to know why? I'll tell you why! She doesn't love you, alright?"

"She does, Kara"

"Oh and that's why she left you? That's why she broke your promise and left you without any explanation?", Kara was shouting now, not caring if anyone listened. A thick air of tension filled in the room and both Kara and Robert were deep red from the mental exhaustion.

"There must be a reason, Kara", Robert said plainly, he knew she was very angry right now and would spill out the truth any second. He was grateful for once that he had known her all these years, whenever things weren't going her way; she lose her temper and eventually, unintentionally spill out the reason behind it. She always had and she will today as well.

"Are you blind Robert?! She left you and that's it, there is no reason behind it. She just doesn't love you enough"

"But why yesterday? Why did she go the day I came here? Why not before or few days after, why yesterday?"

Kara was going mad; this was wrong, all bloody wrong! She was heavily breathing, she'd never been this angry, she walked around the distance from her bed post to the table where the scotch bottles were placed. She was trying to keep herself calm. She didn't care if she appeared too desperate, because he knew she loved him so it should appear natural in his eyes.

"That is just a coincidence", no matter how hard she tried her voice was still loud and still furious.

"I don't believe that"

"I do. She must have known you chose me and she left, this is it, end of story"

"And why on earth would she think that?", _Close, very close. Say it!_ Her hands were demonstrating her thoughts and Robert focused his entire attention to her actions. He kept calm and waited.

"Well it had been a long time. Almost two months, Robert"

"She said she'd wait years"

"She must be lying!"

"No, she wasn't"

"WASN'T SHE?"

"No."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?"

"Because I know she wasn't lying"

"THEN WHY, WHY DID SHE GO."

"I don't know, that is why I am going to ask her and why would she think we are together? I didn't tell her? So I'll simply go and ask her."

"OH WELL I WOULD GO TOO IF I FELT BETRAYED THIS WAY, LEFT ALONE FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS"

"Why would she feel betrayed? We had a deal, didn't we?"

"WELL OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE SHE SAW US, WHY WOULD SHE NO-" , before she realized what she was saying, she said it all out. She couldn't keep her tongue in control and it worked faster than her mind.

 _Done._ Thought Robert. Now it was his turn to be angry.

Robert stepped closer to her, with only breathing space between them. He grabbed her shoulders and give her his death stare, "You planned this, didn't you"

Kara was only staring back at his stern eyes, they felt bloodshot and a shiver went down her spine. For once in her life, she was scared of Robert. The sweet, gorgeous boy she had known was now a strong man.

"I..Robert, I didn't-"

"DON'T LIE TO ME", he pushed her back, careful not to let her fall on the ground but hard enough to make her afraid. He walked to the window again and ran his hand through his hair. His eyes went glassy again at the thought of how his darling Cora must have felt when she saw him and Kara. He blinked back the tears and turned back to face her. He took out the two telegrams and threw them her way.

"Walks by station. Six thirty?! She saw!? You planned this, you did this on purpose, you made me wait a day and I thought you were just being friendly but no, you planned this to ruin my life"

"I did not!", Kara's tears were falling down her cheeks. She was afraid and now broken. Her plan had been wrecked and there was no use in denying it.

Robert gave her a frustrated look but waited for her to finish. Kara spoke out in phrases, the words and her sobs came out in union, "I thought that when she'll go, you'll finally come out of your bubble and accept your love for me"

"Kara! How many times am I to tell you, I do not love you and I am not even sorry now, seeing what wicked game you've played"

"But you do. You did, we are so good together"

"No, you think we are good together, but we are not. I can never be happy with you"

"But you were"

"I was mistaken. Cora make me so happy and I will have her back", he started moving towards the door but Kara stepped in front of him, she shook his shoulders, her eyes swollen and an endless stream of tears flowed down her face. She was broken, her heart had been terribly broken.

"No, wait! Please Robert, please think about it. She's gone now and I will make you happy, I promise. Please think about it, I love you"

Robert lowered his voice, he felt sort of sad for Kara because he knew that she did love him but he was aware that she was full of arrogance, a sense of superiority dripped from her, she was competitive and she ruined his marriage. He didn't blame her completely as he unintentionally helped in wrecking his marriage a lot but still, Kara was the main reason for its destruction. She pushed in the last nail in the coffin but no, he will have Cora back, he will beg her, he will tell her everything, he would do anything but he can't lose her. She would be, thinking about him and Kara, feeling lonely, unloved and worthless. His darling Cora carried a broken heart but he would repair it, he would shower her in love, all the love she deserved and this time, it would be genuine, true love from his side. True, mad, everlasting love.

 _I love you, Cora. Be safe my angel, I am coming to you soon._

Kara noticed his expressions after her begging. His eyes became glassy and his face got immensely sad. Maybe he was coming around to it. Pushing her luck, she shook him again, unknowingly bringing him out of the world of Cora.

"Robert?"

"Hm", he was still thinking about Cora.

She shook him harder, "Robert?"

His thoughts finally were distracted her Kara. "What?", he said angrily.

"So, will you stay?", Kara crossed her fingers and hoped for the answer she wanted to hear so much.

 _Yes._ She thought. _Say yes._

"No", he said in a second and pushed her aside.

"No!", she said blocking the door.

"Yes, no!"

"Yes?"

"Oh for God sakes Kara, I know what you are doing, get aside, I have to go"

"You can't!", her voice became cracky again. "I love you", she said genuinely.

"But I don't", he knew he was being harsh but there was no other option left.

"You have to"

All this was getting to Robert's nerves now. He rubbed his temple. He didn't want to do this but he had no other option. He walked towards her, grabbed her arm and pushed her aside. After much fight and a series of "No" "Listen to me" "Robert we are good together" "Please don't go, I will die", he finally pushed her aside. It was harder than he'd thought. He turned the doorknob and looked back to Kara who sat still on the bed, looking at him with tearful eyes. Robert couldn't help but feel sad for her, he knew how desperate one can get in love but what Kara was doing was insane, it was madness. His father had been right, Cora had been right; **_"You know you're in love when the other's person happiness means the world to you"._** But Kara wasn't doing that right? She was keeping her happiness, her choice priority, she didn't care what Robert wanted unlike Cora who was willing to give away her money, squish her heart for him. He obviously didn't want that. He wanted Cora, smiling and happy; he wanted to hear her melodious laugh, he jokes, and her stories. He wanted to know her really. By now he didn't care about the money or the estate, all he cared about was Cora and he had made his lifelong goal, to mend her heart, to never let her shed another tear, to make her as happy as humanly possible.

Cora had said **_I have experienced real love and I hope you do too, as no matter what the consequences; it is the most incredible and the most magical feeling ever._**

Now he knew what real love is. He loved Cora madly, but what Kara was doing was insanity. She may love him, but it wasn't 'real love'. After today it appeared more like a stubbornness, a task, a thing she wanted and if she had gotten it then she would've moved on to another thing, a man, a piece of jewelry, a gown, anything really.

He looked at her and stepped outside the door, "No matter what you have done, I hope you find happiness one day but do understand that it can never be with me. I cannot forgive you because if I lost Cora it will be your fault and you will be the reason I lost the love of my life. Good luck for you, now tell this detective of yours who kept eye on us to keep out of my way, I am warning you or I shall report you to the police, you know Papa's reputation and you have no one to bail you out, this is why I am warning you. This is over; this is the end of your mad, impossible plan. Stay away from me and my family. And God help you. Good luck".

With that he exited the room, planning on his way to get his heart back. His Cora back.

* * *

A/N: I hope you do understand the fact that Kara really loves Robert. It's just one thing; she is stubborn, she's never really lost anything. She even looked at the sunny side when she lost her husband, she had loved Robert from a young age and she took her husband's death and his inherited money as an opportunity to get Robert which was the sole reason she came to England from Italy. She measures profit in everything but she did love him, however she loved herself and her ego more. I hope that is clear, please do review, I am quite nervous about this chapter as it unfolded everything. Xo


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: I had two guest reviews after my last chapter and I couldn't reply back to them as they were guests so I thought I'd post an explanation here. One of them was that the timing seemed wrong, well for that I do apologize; I've never been to England and have no idea where the ports are located so I am truly sorry if it bothers you. Secondly the user said how did Martha get the tickets so soon? Well, I was going to explain this in the upcoming chapters but I think I should do it here, see the thing is Martha had been planning to take Cora away for weeks, so she kept an eye out for the ship schedules. When Martha saw Cora in such a bizarre state, she was very worried as she had never seen Cora in such a state. She told her instantly that the earliest ship leaves tomorrow and Cora immediately said she wanted to go tomorrow. I was going to explain this later, but as a wealthy women she pulled a few strings and it wasn't hard for a rich, strong women to get two tickets._

 _Another review was that it doesn't seem that Kara loves Robert. See, I've mentioned this before, Kara is a woman who is extremely competitive, if you have noticed, I kept a score of these two in earlier chapters as well. She looks for her profit everywhere even if it comes at a great price. According to her plan and her mind, Robert would've left Cora ages ago but he didn't. Now a woman as stubborn as Kara wouldn't have waited a second more but she did, she waited weeks and weeks, she tried to talk to him, to make him laugh. She saw how sad he was and she asked him to accompany her in occasions to lighten up his mood but he didn't. She was really hurt when Robert told her loud and clear in the last chapter to stay away and there is nothing possible between them. She really cares for him and was certain that she would make him happy. I hope it's clear now._

 _I also got reviews saying that they felt sort of sad for Kara too and I'm happy they get my point of view. See, it can't be completely black and white. I hate Kara too and she is obsessive and stubborn but that is not all. No one can be completely good or completely bad. And I would really like to thank each one of you who have read this story till now and leave regular reviews, I am really happy and as this is my first multichapter, it makes me even happier._

 _I once again, apologize for the timing issues, I will be careful about it in future if I ever plan to write a multichapter again. Thank you so so much, each one of you. God bless! xoxo_

* * *

"What do mean, it's not going?", Robert asked shockingly to the poor old man at the ticket counter.

"It is going milord but not just the day after tomorrow", the man with shaky hands and small eyes replied in a calm voice.

Robert hated this. How can this man be so calm? How can anyone be so calm? Panic! Everyone should panic; he's lost his wife, for God's sakes.

"Why on earth not?", Robert asked now drumming his fingers on the counter, trying somehow to control his anger or his tears.

"The workers have put up a strike and are refusing to work and with the handful of workers left, the arrangements can't be made so quickly"

"Why have they put up a strike?", Robert asked as he tapped his feet as well.

 _Control. Don't lose it._

"The wages have been very low and it is unfair on the people who work hard twelve hours a day and still get wages which only helps them survive"

"So when is the next ship leaving?"

"Six days"

"What?! Six days? I can't wait that long", Robert stood up now. He cannot wait that long, any last shred of hope Cora would've had would be long lost till then and by the time he gets there Cora might have filed a divorced herself. Robert felt a shiver run down his spine, cool layers of sweat gathered around his collar making him extremely uncomfortable.

"I am sorry milord but it's the earliest one. Do you want to book a ticket?"

Unless he could fly or swim across the ocean, this was his only option. Wait. Wait and to not lose his mind.

"Milord?", the man asked noticing the strange expression on the young lord.

"Y-yes. Please do. So six days?"

"Yes"

Robert nodded, got the receipt and the ticket and left the counter. He walked the streets, the sunset was glorious and he could see from the corner of his eye how so many families and couples were picnicking; all happy and grateful. Unlike him, who was miserable and pathetic. He lost the most precious thing in his life. He had one job, before he became the Earl and he ruined it at as well. He was such a loser. He stopped and observed the sky, orange yellow-ish colors painted the sky as far as he looked, the sun was slowly descending, a bright egg yolk stared back at him as the birds flew around the sky. Yellow was Cora's favourite color; he smiled at the thought. Just as bright, cheery and welcoming as her. He thought about his favourite color, he had always liked blue, the oceany blue, the kind of blue that Cora's eyes are but he also really liked green. Oh great, he's confused. He can't even decide between colors. Why does Cora love him? What is about him that she likes? She never cared about the title, God knew how many dukes proposed to her as well but she chose to be a Countess, his Countess, his wife. But why? He had always been so distant from her; he never treated her the way she should be treated.

 _I love you._ Cora's voice echoed back to him and he felt that she had just said this, far across the ocean, she said this and he heard it. Maybe it was his mind playing games but he heard it and it reassured him, that she would wait, she loves him and he loves her back, so so much.

 _I'll wait years._ Oh his darling Cora said this and he won't make her wait years. He will go to her, soon, very soon and love and cherish her for the rest of his life.

He dried the tears that without any consent of his dripped down his eyes. He started walking again, back to his hotel. He had no idea what he would do for six whole days. He wouldn't go back to Downton, just the thought of all that endless fuss and a series of question made him sick. He would spend this time dreaming and thinking of Cora. What would he say to her? How will he go?

He went to his hotel room and slumped down the bed. Sighing, he took a book and opened it. He played with the folded end of the page and his mind went to how Cora would react when she would see him? Will she scream at him? Tell him to go? Will she refuse to meet him? Will she cry? All these thoughts made his heart take a dip and he let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

 _I'll be there soon._

And he slept there holding the book in his hand and Cora in his heart.

The next 3 days, fortunately kept him a little busy. He decided to attend to some much pending business for the estate to kill his time. He really didn't want to talk to anyone about his personal life because the last time he involved someone else and kept their opinions on high, he drained down his marriage. He will just trust his guts and go get his girl. He met Murray, their official lawyer and discussed some estate business, he wrote back to his Papa, keeping his personal life updates brief and the other business in length. He wrote to Jarvis and he came the next day. He, Jarvis and Murray discussed further plans to better the estate and how profitably they can use Cora's money. Luckily, his father agreed with him and didn't interfere much, he knew his boy needed some distraction, otherwise he would go depressed.

On the fourth day, he received a letter from Kara. It was brief and to the point.

 _Dear Robert,_

 _I have asked the detective to stop at once; he will not bother you anymore. I am very hurt but I know you don't care about it, but know that I do care about you, very very much. I love you, really I do. I hope in time you will forgive me and we can still be friends. So sorry._

 _Much love,_

 _Kara Dixon._

Robert felt uneasy reading this letter. The harm this woman had done still made him doubt her intentions but it was obvious that she was afraid and will keep her distance; hopefully until he can get Cora back, then he would tackle anything. Kara or many other women like her; he would tackle anything and would make sure that Cora was his priority, which she already is of course. Robert was in dilemma about writing back to Kara. Should he or shouldn't he? If he did, he knew Kara would write back and being the softie he is, she would jump back to the open friendly nature she had so in the end he decided not to write back.

Two days past in a blur and all he could remember was dreaming about Cora and being with her. It was a recurring dream. In his dream he was running around a garden looking for Cora, he would hear her laugh but not see her, then he spotted her standing next to a tree, giving him her best smile. He ran to the tree and she ran further, finally chasing up to her he got so near to her and she was stuck because behind her was another tree and in front of him was Robert. He stepped closer, so close and he was just about to take her hand when the dream ended. Every single time. He hated it, he was so desperate to be near her and even his dreams were being rough on him.

Finally after six long, annoying days he boarded the ship. He had called his valet from Downton a day earlier and decided to take him to New York as well. But the struggle wasn't over; there were five more days of waiting until he reached the dry land. He had a suspicion he would be sick and so he did. Just on his first night he felt sea sick, he spent half his time in the small washroom of his cabin, he threw up so many times that he lost count. He knew this would happen which was the reason he had called his valet. He felt bad for the man who cleaned and dressed him at least six times a day because of his sickness.

After two days, he felt a bit better. A decided to walk around the deck and then have dinner outside. He was bored out of his mind, staying in bed all day. After dinner he went to the bar and asked for a glass of scotch. A man next to him nodded to him and he nodded back.

"Are you the Lord Grantham's son?", the man who nodded asked as Robert waited for his drink.

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

The man extended his hand and Robert took it.

"My father used to be his colleague in their university days, Lord Spencer, his name is"

"Oh Lord Spencer, yes I do know him, he's still a dear friend of Papa, how come we've never seen you?", Robert asked curiously.

"Oh, I have a business with cars. My older brother inherits everything so I chose this occupation for myself. I stay most of the time in America as we have many showrooms there"

"Oh, good good"

"What brings you to America?", Lord Spencer's son asked.

"I am on a mission", Robert said smiling.

"Oh? What sort of a mission?"

"To get back my heart", Robert smiled as he took his drink, nodded slightly and left, leaving Lord Spencer's son in an utter confusion. Of course he would be confused, you don't hear about hearts and love every day from an Englishmen.

Robert smiled at himself, liking the change the time had brought. He was no longer nervous to talk about his heart, his love.

The next two days were gone in reading, drinking, thinking, walking, a bit of talking and sleeping. Reading about mystery, but instead solving the mystery of how Cora would react. Drinking down the whiskey and thinking what Cora might be doing. Walking around the deck and wishing Cora was walking with him. Talking to strangers and wishing he was giggling with Cora. Sleeping on his bed and dreaming about Cora. So in short, the next two days were gone in the perfect bubble of Cora.

The sixth day arrived as Robert put a step on the dry land, his Cora's land , her homeland. He felt a wave of excitement rush through his entire body.

 _You have no idea how to surprise a woman._

Kara playful voice replayed in his mind and he shook his head and rolled his eyes. As if Cora would care a bit about his appearance. Well she might, a bit but that was not all. The stupid man she had been living with finally came to his senses. He mentally slow clapped for himself, wow Robert, you took your time. 8 months, you took 8 months to realize! He shook his head again and asked his valet to follow with his luggage behind him. He couldn't wait a second more. Taking a carriage he hurried into it and then fifteen minutes later, he stood outside the Levinson residence.


	18. Chapter 18

Robert inhaled then exhaled, this was the most important thing he was ever doing. His whole life depended on it. He had no idea of how she will react, how her parents will react. He had imagined this scene so many times in several different scenarios and he always ended up with chills travelling up and down his spine. He took a deep breath and walked towards the main door. He knocked slightly and moved back two steps. He had never been this nervous before. He was about to knock again but a rather large sized butler opened the door and gave him a suspicious look. Robert already scared was now even more scared looking at this big, fat, scary man in front of him.

"How can I help, Sir?", the large man in front of him spoke.

"I-uh, that is, I am here to see Lady Downton"

The butler's brow furrowed and then Robert realized that Cora isn't addressed by this title here. "I mean Lady Cora or , whatever you all her here", Robert explained himself.

"Is Lady Cora expecting you here, Sir?", putting a hard emphasis of 'Sir' , the butler questioned him.

"No, she is not. I am Lord Downton, her husband and I just came from England", Robert answered, a bit annoyed by then.

 _Just let me in, big man!_

"Her husband?", the butler asked curiously, examining Robert with his big scary eyes.

"Yes, her husband, can I come in, please?"

The butler nodded and Robert silently followed him. The butler stopped in front of the library and entered first announcing "Lord Downton, milady"

Robert's heart beat became faster. She must be inside, what will she be thinking, will she see me? All these questions raced through his mind as he stepped into the library. With so much pain, nervousness and love in his eyes he looked up to face Cora.

But his eyes met with a smaller sized, green colored eyes. Martha Levinson stared at him with emotionless eyes. He stared back and she kept staring. The butler had left, leaving them in complete silence. It felt like those few, silent seconds before entering the battlefield. Just then he noticed Isidore Levinson sitting on his desk,also staring at Robert with emotionless eyes,which was strange for Americans. Robert swallowed the lump in his throat, his mouth had gone dry and he felt like a puppet standing in front of his father and mother-in-law. The never ending awkward silence came to an end when Martha's sharp tone pierced his ears.

"What are you doing here?", Martha asked

"I-uh, that is-", Robert tried to reply but the words he had practiced a gazillion times didn't escape his mouth.

"Didn't Cora tell you to just send the papers?", Martha added.

Isidore spoke next, but his voice was much calmer, "My boy, I don't think this is a very good idea. Cora is in a very vulnerable state, just give me the papers, I'll get them signed, you shouldn't be here"

"Why did you travel anyway? Didn't that woman of yours stop you?", Martha started again. Her voice was very angry.

If Robert could, he'd disappear from there right away. He had never felt so embarrassed and so nervous all his life and never ever has someone ever greeted his this way when he had travelled five days across the sea. But he deserved it, he knew it. He wanted to speak but his voice was caught up in his throat.

 _From where should I start?_

 _What should I say to them?_

 _I know it, I practiced it!_

 _She is giving me the death stare!_

"Son? Son?" Isidore interrupted Robert's trail of thoughts and Robert reddened in an instant. He felt like a little dumb school boy.

Isidore closed the distance and put a hand of Robert's shoulder, "This isn't a good idea, if it's the money then have it. Cora doesn't object. I did before but she said that she doesn't want a bit of that money and that it ruined her life. It's her money and she wants you to have it so even if I want to object, I won't. So keep the money, don't trouble my princess with it"

Robert's nerves calmed down a bit, most likely because Isidore was standing in front of him blocking Martha's gaze which Robert was immensely thankful for.

"Sir", Robert was finally able to speak, "I really need to talk to Cora"

This time, Martha walked nearer him and spoke, "You cannot. You have caused enough heartache to my girl, you heard my husband and you know Cora doesn't want to be involved so please don't."

"It's not about the money, Martha", Robert finally faced her and spoke. His voice was determined which caused Martha to fling her eyebrows.

"Please believe me, I am just here to talk to her"

"About what?" Isidore asked, a bit annoyed, rubbing his temple.

"About what a fool her husband is and how badly he asks for her forgiveness"

Both Martha and Isidore were taken aback at the sudden confession. By the look on their faces, they were not expecting this at all.

"What?", asked Martha.

"Yes"

"Why, did that woman left you?"

"I was never with her and no I left her and everything"

"Why would you do that?", Isidore asked this time.

"Because my everything is here. Cora is my everything. I am madly in love with her and I need to tell her"

Martha huffed at this statement and rolled her eyes, "Oh so now you love her? After playing with her like a toy for eight months, after leaving her alone to her nightmares for weeks, after making her cry night after night, after taking away her smile, her money, you now love her"

Her voice was dripping with insult but Robert took it. Took it like a man, because he deserved every word of it. He did leave her standing all alone, her did break her heart, he did practically snatched away her money. All this was true, so very true. It hurt him badly but it was true.

"Yes. I do. And I am so angry at myself for realizing this too late. I do love her, I've loved her for such a long time but I was a fool and didn't see it. It was right in front of my face but I didn't see it. I need to apologize."

"Just apologize?", Martha asked.

"And ask her to give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it, I know I don't deserve her but I love her, so very much and I need to tell her"

"My boy, are you sure about this? Because if you are here to take her back just to break her heart again, I must tell you, I will destroy you", Isidore said, his voice determined.

Robert felt his collar dampening. He was sweating and the look Isidore was giving him made him want to crawl under a bed and hide for the rest of his life but he took a breath, swallowed the lump and spoke.

"I shall deserve no less but that will not happen again, I promise. Please just let me talk to her, just once please"

"What if she doesn't want to come back?", Martha asked and Robert's stomach flipped upside down.

 _Yes, Robert, what if he doesn't want to anymore? Then what_?

"Then..then I will respect her decision"

"Will you? You betrayed her decision before"

Robert gave her a questioned look and she continued, "You both planned to meet each other first thing when you had made your decision but you were flirting openly with a woman in front of her. You purposely broke her heart"

Robert shut his eyes, he knew this was coming. He knew how sharp Martha was. Robert opened his eyes and sighed, "I was being played. I will explain all this but please just let me meet her first"

Isidore and Martha both stared at Robert in union. For what felt like an eternity, they finally spoke.

It was Isidore who started, "Okay, you can, but let me warn you, she is quite a mess nowadays. Since she saw you, she has been depressed and she looks like an emotionless doll roaming around. So please be gentle with her, give her time to adjust into the situation, and don't rush her"

"I will not"

"And", Martha spoke this time, "If she doesn't want to come back, you leave the next second, do you understand me?"

Robert breathed sharply, "I do"

Isidore nodded, "Hm, she's in the gardens"

Robert grinned, his eyes tearful. He should've known she was there. Whenever she was sad at Downton she always escaped to the gardens. Robert wiped his tears and rushed towards the gardens.

As soon as he left Martha spoke, "I don't think this is a good idea"

Isidore smiled to her and said, "No, I think, I think he will make it work this time"

Robert ran around the gardens, looking for any sign of Cora. He ran and ran and was out of breath but his feet couldn't stop so he walked. After a good ten minutes of cardio he was about to give up when he saw a figure in the distance, her back towards him. He couldn't see her face but he recognized it was her. He slowed his speed and walked towards her with as little noise as possible. It was like he was in a frenzy mode. Everything around him had stopped, it was like his dream, only this time he was facing Cora's back but just like in his dream he walked towards her, hoping to catch her. His senses were so alive which assured him every second that it wasn't a dream, it was real. His Cora was just a few steps away.

He finally stopped a few meters away from her and said in almost a whisper, a whisper filled with all his emotions, "Cora"


	19. Chapter 19

Cora Crawley, well not a Crawley for very long now, have had a pretty boring morning. Plain and dull, just like herself. Over the past twelve days, she's done nothing but roam around the gardens or sleep. She didn't want to talk to anyone really. Everyone kept asking how she was feeling? She wanted to reply 'Like crap', but she found it hard to even reply with these two words. She didn't want to talk, to anyone. She wanted to be invisible, out of sight and out of mind of everyone. She had her old friends visiting, she won't deny the fact that she really had missed them over the last nine months but she didn't want to meet them as well. Talking seemed so hard and thinking was so exhausting. Her thoughts kept wandering back to Robert and then naturally to that woman. She tried to shake away the flashes she saw at the train station or at the ball or back at Downton. They must be happy, of course they would be and she was partly happy because Robert was happy but she wasn't a part of his happiness. The trail of thoughts was the same every day and in the end she cried or had a severe headache. She didn't want to talk, not to anyone. She didn't even have the energy to ask for the powder for her headache, she felt like a living dead. A soulless body wandering around a big house. So in the end she just went back to bed and slept. Sleeping helped her, though she had those nightmares from time to time but not as frequent as they were back in London. She walked and thought and then slept. She had lost her appetite, eating felt so hard and somehow she was hardly hungry. She fumbled with the food, nibbled few bites and she felt extremely full. Most of the time the thought of food made her stomach flip. She hated everything, even her hot cocoa that she had dreamed of having when she was in England. Her mother and her father tried to take her out, to distract her. She said no every time but one time her mother begged her to come so she did. It hardly affected her. She went to one of the beaches and she had this sudden urge to jump into the cold water. Not to suicide, but to wash her. Wash her and free herself of everything, every memory of Robert, every single moment with Robert. She wanted to be free, free of him. But that was the thing; if she wanted to be free of him then she would have to be free of herself, of her heart. Her heart beat Robert and sometimes it annoyed and pained her so much that she wanted take it out and squish it. How hard can it be to get rid of a couple of good memories? A couple of months? When will the suffering stop? She was lost in a labyrinth of suffering and she was suffocated. She used to laugh at the novels that said that the girl died because she couldn't live without the boy. She found it pointless and extremely exaggerated. But now, well now she really wanted to die, or maybe just go away, form a new identity and start over. She envied the girl who died; at least she didn't have to feel miserable all the time. One day she will wake up and forget everything, that's what her mother told her but it didn't seem anywhere near. When will that day come? She was so very tired and exhausted. She was drowning in the memories with Robert, she loved him. So very much and she couldn't help it. She was useless without him and she hated that. When did she become a woman who can't go on without her husband? She wasn't like that. How can it be that a couple of months completely turned her life upside down? She didn't know. She didn't know anything, all she knew was that she loved Robert and the love was now killing her.

 _You can't have him back. Start over. Forget him, Cora_.

But she can't. She just can't. It was impossible. She walked around the gardens and leaned on a tree, facing a lake. She saw swans and it reminded her of her thoughts back in England. She envied swans; they were so free, so happy. She wished for a miracle. A miracle that took her back two years ago and that she never had visited England. Or a miracle which would make Robert fall in love with her. Or a miracle that he would just jump out of nowhere and call out her name in his knee-buckling accent. _Cora._ She closed her eyes and heard his voice in her mind. _Cora._

It sounded so perfect from his mouth.

 _Cora._

She opened her eyes and wiped away her tears and she heard him again.

 _Cora._

She shook her head to distract herself.

 _Cora._

She groaned and said out loudly, 'Oh my God, just go away!"

* * *

Robert had now called her name three times. His heart beat raced so fast that he thought he might die but just as he heard Cora's response, he felt his eyes widen. That was not the reply he had imagined.

He called again, 'Cora'

* * *

 _Cora._

"Oh for God's sakes!" She grumbled and stood straighter.

"A sweet tuxedo girl you see  
A queen of swell society  
Fond of fun as fond can be  
When it's on the strict Q.T  
I'm not too young, I'm not too old  
Not too timid, not too bold-"

Robert stared at her back, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide. He listened quietly and Cora kept singing out loud. He had imagined a billion scenarios and not one of them had Cora singing out loud in the middle of the garden. He left her and she's gone mad. "Oh God, you've gone mad", he thought but the thoughts blurted out of his mouth as he saw Cora dead freeze in one place, not moving a single muscle. She had stopped singing and now was standing still.

Cora heard him. He said she had gone mad. Maybe she has. She heard him calling her name but never heard him saying that she had gone mad before.

"Cora?", he called again.

Cora's breath caught up in her throat. She usually sang when he won't get out of her mind but this..she heard him again.

Robert's palm became sweaty; he had never ever been this nervous and frightened. What has he done to Cora?

Cora took a deep breath and slowly, ever so slightly turned around. She tilted so slowly and with each passing second Robert felt that as if he was about to see the most incredible thing in the world. When Cora finally turned around, Robert's gaze directly fell on her eyes, they were facing the ground. She had completely tilted but didn't look at him. He felt as if he was back in his dream, that Cora was trapped between the tree and him and any moment he would reach her and touch her or maybe he would wake up. His young, glorious wife was dressed in a white gown, looking just as angelic as she was in his dreams.

He sighed and ran his hands on his upper thighs to get rid of the sweat. He called out again, "Cora, please look at me", his voice was so shaky and so was his legs. He felt like he would die if she didn't look at him. He needed to look into her bright blue eyes, they were his strength.

Cora heard him say that he wanted her to look at him. He was here. He was finally here and if this was a dream, she didn't want to end it. If she looks at him, she would wake up and she can't have that. This was nearest she's been to him in months and she didn't want to ruin it.

 _Please look at me._

He wanted her to look at him. She took a breath and looked up at him and prayed to God that the dream doesn't end.

Her eyes met his. His baby blues stared back at her, a bit teary. He exhaled a short breath which meant he was nervous. He always did that when he was nervous.

She stared at him and felt like the ground had left her feet. He was really here. Why is he here? What does he want? Then she realized the paperwork. She had asked him not to involve her but he came here anyways. Why is he so cruel to her? Does he have any idea how painful it is for her?

"Robert", she said, her eyes brimming with tears, her voice barely a whisper but enough audible for Robert to hear.

Robert closed his eyes, letting his pool of tears to drain down his cheeks. He had ached to hear his name from her mouth, covered in her accent. He opened his eyes and said, "Cora"

Cora's tears swimmed down her face, she lifted her shaky hand and wiped those away. "Why are you here?", she asked plainly. She didn't want him to see her tears. He had broken his promise and then her request to keep her out of all of the paperwork.

"I came to tell you something", he managed to say.

"Robert, please", she said closing her eyes, her brow furrowed and her hand playing with the side of her dress. Her nervous habit.

"What?", he said taking a step forward.

"I requested you. I asked you not to involve me, why do you have to hurt me? I can't do this", she said as she let out a much needed sob and started walking towards the house.

"Cora, no!", he said stepping in front of her, careful not to touch her even if he desperately wanted to.

Cora looked into his eyes, both of them flushed with tears. She noticed his dark circles. His skin had also gone pale and he seemed a bit thinner. But so beautiful. Ever so beautiful. She sniffed and brought her gaze down and took a step back, "Robert, please! If you need the money, I told you, you can have it. I don't care about it. I'll sign whatever you send me but please don't make this any harder"

Robert felt his heart ache so badly, she was thinking he was here for the money, well of course she would but he hated to see her like this.

"Cora, I am not here for the money or the divorce"

Cora looked at him with painful eyes, "Then why are you here?", she asked softly but pain was evident in his voice.

"Because I wanted you to know that I have been a fool. I was being stupid and it took me so much time to realize but when I did, all went over a cliff in a course of a single day"

She waited for him to continue. Robert ran a hand through his hair and took a step forward. The smell of his cologne filled her nose and all she wanted was to jump in his embrace and stay that way forever, but she couldn't. It was no longer her place.

"Cora, I was such a child. I knew long ago what I wanted but I was so afraid to admit it and when I finally did, it was too late"

"Admit what?, she asked softly. Her heart beat raced.

 _What is he trying to say? He can't possibly.._

 _"_ That I love you, Cora"

Cora's heart skipped a beat, what did he say?

"I love you so so much, my darling"

Cora's eyes went wide and then her mouth opened to say something but stopped in mid way, next her eyes welled up again as her brow furrowed and she shook her head, "Robert, you can't do this"

"Can't do what?", he asked as his eyes welled up as well.

"No. Robert, you can't love me. You love her, I saw you, I-"

"No, but what you saw wasn't true. It was set up"

Cora let out a breath, she was shaking. What was happening? Was she hallucinating?

Robert took a step towards her, close enough to touch her hand. He wished to God that she won't take it away and it took all his guts to take her hand in his. At first her hand remained still as she looked into his eyes with a questioning look but then she let him take it. He looked at her hand and smiled a sad smile as one of the tear landed on her knuckle. He ran his thumb over her knuckles. "I missed doing this", he said still staring at her hand.

"No, Robert. Tell me, what was set up?", she said. For a minute Robert thought she might take away her hand but she didn't. It gave him courage to speak. So he did, he told her everything. How miserable he felt all those weeks and Kara was getting on his nerves, how he felt so pathetic, how he dreamed of her, how she was the first and last thing he imagined when he went to bed, how he didn't talk to anyone, how his father explained him what love was, how he analyzed and realized it was her, how excited he was and how Kara came and he told her. How he made the plan next day and was foolish enough to let Kara ride with him and how Cora saw them and how Kara persuaded him to wait a day.

Cora felt silent for a moment, her mind grasping all this, "But, how did she know that I would be there?"

"She hired a detective to follow you everyday"

"What?", she asked, her eyes wide in surprise.

"Yes and he told her"

"Then how did you know it was set up"

"When I came to your house the next day and got your letter, I felt so disappointed in myself and I cried but I was panicking and I needed a way to get to you. I went to Kara to tell her and ask for her advice but she wasn't in the room. I was so angry and punched the sofa when I found those telegrams and then I confronted her about it"

"She accepted it was her?"

"I made her say it", he said slightly smiling, happy on his accomplishment.

"And here you are"

"Here I am", he said softly.

Cora looked down and another wave of tears jumped out of her eyes. Robert took her other hand in his hand as well and started, "Cora, I know I have been an idiot, I know I don't deserve you, please believe me when I say that I was oblivious of my feelings"

He cupped her face with both hands and her glassy eyes met his, "I love you and only you. I have been dying to tell you this, I felt so incomplete and it made me realize what pain I have put you through. You waited for me for weeks and I am so sorry for that and I can't imagine the pain you must have felt when you saw me and Kara".

He wiped away her tears as his started running down his face, "I am so sorry, my darling, I don't deserve you but I love you so much that I will burst, please forgive me. Please Cora, I love you so much"

"Oh, Robert", she said with such a sad voice and closed her eyes. She sniffed and he felt his world flip upside down.

 _If she doesn't want to come back, you will leave the next second, do you understand me?_

Martha's cold sharp voice echoed in his ears. Maybe Cora doesn't want to come back. Despite the pain, he said it, "But I will understand if you don't want to come back. When you said that you wanted my happiness because it means the world to you, now I feel the same, your happiness is everything, even if I have to leave alone for the rest of my life. I will respect your decision; I never ever want to see you unhappy again."

He took a step backward as his hands left her face. Suddenly she felt exposed and incomplete. She knew what she had to say, so she said it.

"You will respect my decision? Really?"

"Yes", he whispered looking down. "I will do anything you say"

Cora smiled sadly and said, "Do you really love me, Robert?"

A flicker of hope rose in Robert's eyes and he looked at her, "So much. I love you madly, terribly, hopelessly"

"If I didn't have the money, would you have married me if you loved me like this back then?"

"It would've been very hard on Papa and Mama and Downton would've lost but yes, I would have married you because without you I would've died anyway"

"You have really hurt me", she said as she took a step closer.

"I know, my darling and I regret every second of it"

"Really?"

"Yes?"

"Will you do one thing for me?"

"Anything"

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything"

"Will you tell me again that you love me?"

Robert smiled at her and took her hands, "Cora, my darling, beautiful Cora, I love you"

She smiled at him and tears of joy and sadness ran down her cheeks. "Say it again"

"I love you, Cora", he said as one of his arm wrapped around her waist. She closed her eyes and let out a sob.

"Do you have any idea how long I have waited for you to say it?" Her voice came out in phrases and sobs.

"I know my darling, too long and it was so unfair to you", he put a hand on her cheek and she leaned into it with her eyes closed.

"Robert?", she said as her eyes remained closed.

"Yes?"

She opened her eyes and smiled at him, "I love you too"

Robert couldn't hold back his tears as he leaned in to hug her. He cried silently as his tears wet her neck and she clinged to him, running her hands up and down his back, feeling him, convincing her that he was real. They both cried for untold minutes, silently. Both healing the wounds in each other's warmth.

Robert finally looked back into her eyes and cupped her cheeks, "So"

"So?"

"Will you come back with me?"

The smile on her face disappeared as she recalled those last days she spent in Downton. How sad, lonely and unwanted she felt. "I, Robert, I don't think I can"

Robert let go of her face and said, "I understand"

"No, no, don't think I don't want to be with you, it's just that I am scared to go back to that life"

He nodded and smiled at her but she knew him better. "It's not forever"

He gave her a puzzled look, "Just a few more weeks, until I am ready"

He gave her a smile that made her knees weak and she blushed, "Anything, darling"

She stepped closer and placed her hand on his heart, it beat so loudly that she grinned. She leaned in and kissed it and she kissed back at the train station, only this time there was no parting.

Robert sighed as she kissed his heart and she looked at him and grinned. "What?", she asked lightly chuckling.

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "You've given me my life back"

She brushed away a few locks of his dark hair and whispered back, "Now you give me mine back"

He smiled at her and leaned forward to properly kiss her but stopped in mid way, "No wait!"

"What?", Cora asked puzzled.

"Oh, if you knew how many times I'd imagined this scene and now I am not going according to my plan"

"What plan?", Cora asked chuckling. He looked absolutely adorable complaining.

"I practiced it, I promise"

Cora only giggled in reply and waited for his performance. Robert dipped his hand in his pocket and took out a velvety box. He sat down on one knee and Cora resisted the urge to aw.

He took her hand and spoke, "Cora Crawley will you give me the honor of properly becoming your husband? To make you happy and love and cherish you for the rest of your life? We both have spent time apart, you've lived yours and I've lived mine in complete misery, now it's time that we live it together in happiness because your happiness is my life goal. So my darling Cora, will you come back with me? And let me love you forever?"

Cora smiled and controlled the pool of tears gathering in her eyes. She loved the man so much that it was almost impossible. It was magical, a feeling out of this world. And it doubles when the person you love, loves you back and they were the lucky ones.

"Yes", she said and he slipped the most exquisite ring on her soft, slender finger. She gasped and admired the gem as Robert admired his gem, standing in front of him.

His hands wrapped around her tiny waist as she looked back into his blue orbs. She finally felt at home. There never ever was a competition; he was hers and only hers. They belonged together.

 _If only you knew what you do to me,_ Cora thought.

Robert stared back into her ocean like eyes, her tiny waist felt so perfect in his hands. It belonged there just as he belonged with her. What he felt could never ever be felt if he was with any other woman. There never really was another woman. Kara was just a bumpy patch which somehow made him realize that not all women are like his Cora. He was the blessed one. She changed him for the better.

 _If only you knew what you do to me_ , Robert thought.

As if reading his mind, she said, "I know"

He immediately understood what she meant, "I know too"

He snaked his arms tighter around her waist as she scooted closer, her eyes never leaving his.

"Can I kiss you?", he asked.

Cora remembering the last time he asked this, said, "What sort of a kiss?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead, "A kiss sealing my promise to make you happy"

She smiled as his lips travelled to her hair, her cheek, her neck as she sighed in response. He looked up and said, "I love you"

"I love you too"

He leaned in and kissed her lips. Her hands in his hair, caressing his head and his hands firm on her waist running up and down her back. They poured all they had into their kiss. His tongue sought entry and she let him. _How badly had she waited for this._

Her soft lips met his and instantly he felt like he had come home after a long, dark journey. He had dreamed of kissing her for so many days and now he had and he felt like the maze ended, he found a way out of the dark. _How badly had he waited for this._

They broke the kiss just because the need for air was absolutely necessary. Their foreheads joined as they recovered their breathing. He kissed her cheek again and he pulled back but his hands remained encircled on her waist.

"Shall we go inside?", he asked.

"What's the hurry?", she said leaning in for another kiss.

He smiled into the kiss and kissed her back. He scratched the back of his head and said, "Well, I sort of have to explain to your parents about all the confusion"

"Woah, I am surprised they let you near me without an explanation", she said as she played with his hair.

"They didn't", he grinned, "But I think they saw how desperate I was"

"Desperate?", she asked raising her eyebrow.

"Desperate, mad, nervous and terribly in love"

She sighed and smiled back to him, "Well good luck with that"

"Won't you stay with me?"

"If you want me to"

He pulled her closer and said, "Every minute of every day"

She giggled, "Easy tiger!"

He pouted and let her go but she immediately kissed his cheek for consolation and was rewarded by his famous I-Can't-Breathe-Robert-Crawley-Smile.

They started walking back towards the house and he asked, "By the way, what on earth were you singing?"

She chuckled at his question and smiled, "It's an American song"

"Yes obviously".

She stopped walking at put her hand to her chest and pretended to be offended, "Excuse me"

He smiled and rubbed his nose with hers and stroked her soft cheek, "Sorry my tuxedo girl"

She smiled and they continued walking. "I was distracting myself"

"From what?"

"You"

He stretched his arms and pretended to be a hero, "Well I am irresistible"

She rolled her eyes and thought, _Well he is my hero._

He pulled her closer and tickled her and she burst out laughing, "Stop it, Robert! Stop, noo!"

Eventually he stopped and looked at her, "You're evil"

"I know", he smirked.

He put his hand on her shoulder and forced her towards him, "An evil who loves you"

"Yeah yeah!", she rolled her eyes.

"That's it?"

"What?"

"No I love you too?"

"Later"

"Why?"

"Look out the front, my mother is staring"

He looked ahead and saw Martha's piercing eyes on them. He immediately let go of Cora and coughed. His face turned red and Cora giggled at his embarrassment.

A year ago she never would have thought that Robert would take her hand in public forget kissing her or passing sweet comments. She observed the love of her life and blushed that she was his love for life.

She couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy. She silently thanked God and waited for the storm that would be headed their way from her mother. But she'd go through it; she'd go through anything as long as Robert was on her side.

* * *

 _A/N: Ah so this was it, the last chapter. I really hoped you all enjoyed and specially the madam I wrote it for. She's a dear friend, almost like my little sister which is the only reason I wrote this multichpater for._

 _Quick notes, the song used is actually a 1890's hit American song. And yes, I know I used Sybil's , Anthony Strallan's, Robert's and sort of Matthew's line, don't kill me! I though it would look nice._

 _Anyways A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN READING THE STORY UP TILL NOW! I am so overwhelmed with the response, the amazing review even private messages. Thank you so so much, you all encouraged me to write on an on. I have no idea if I will ever write a multific again but I am so very happy with this response. You all ROCK! xo_


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